While someone is doing my nails
Sitting here watching other people live
Frozen by the fear to fail
Cause everyday theres a war to fight
And if I win or lose, never mind
As long as youre my shelter every night
I used to cry against a wall
But now Ive got a shoulder that I can lean on
Swear to me you wont be gone
Im ready for the good times
Im ready for the good times
Now that Im not alone
[Shakira - Ready for the good times]
There's been so much on my mind, so much to write about this week that I don't know where to start. Been kinda a mumbo jumbo of emotions. But, the strongest feeling rounding out the final week of July is - EXCITEMENT. I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS WEEKEND!
But let me take a step or two back. Honestly, The Bachelorette really threw me for a loop. I did not like watching the finale, watching great guys get hurt, watching her agonize over the decision. Didn't seem, to me, that Jillian was ready to get engaged a day after making out with one guy and hours after breaking it off with said guy. A parody I read this week about the Twilight series says that Bella teaches girls that "it's ok to lead two great guys on as long as you feel really bad about it at some point." I don't think so. But by the nature of the show, the bachelorette HAS to date multiple guys, and so someone is going to get hurt. Leaves a wrenching feeling in my heart just thinking about it - she could be SO happy with both suitors, that's the thing, which I think makes it worse - seeing you could be happy with two people. What made up her mind in the long run was, though she cared about one of the guys, in the meantime she had fallen in love with Ed and could not let him go, and so she could turn down an amazing chance with an amazing guy. I think that even if an amazing guy like Kyptyn came along in my life, no matter how much I was attracted to him or had in common with him, I've fallen in love with my "Ed" and can't let him go, can't picture my life without him.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't be The Bachelorette. I would have been an absloute MESS! I LOVE Jillian though, and she got me hooked - and I don't follow any other TV show - but this one I was watching every week.
So this craziness started my week.
The rest of the week in a nutshell:
I've been dog sitting/ house sitting at my Grandparents.
It's been a rainy, cloudy week.
Got a good workout in 2 days.
Got a pedicure; toes are pretty in pink, what else?!
My mom made wicked blue berry & white chocolate cookies last night. :)
I made my dad a frame with seaglass and rocks from the beach in Spain for his birthday Sunday. Framed are the lyrics to "Our Prayer" - a very special song for my family since it was sung at my sister's wedding. LOVE my daddy!
Been reading "The Constant Princess" by Phillipa Gregory about Princess Catherine of Spain who becomes Queen of England. Her first husband is about to die :*(
Yay. So about this weekend. I get to reunite with some of my BEST friends!!
Clint and I are driving to Greenville and shall be there in time for dinner. Tonight we get to see & stay with sweet Caroline one of my best friends in the whole wide world, Brita another best friend in the whole wide world, Nancy - my big sister in Tridelt and another best friend, & perhaps Chapin on her birthday and T.J.
Tomorrow Caroline, Clint, & I are driving to Charleston and spending the day there before going to Tyner & Zeke's wedding!!! I cannot wait!
Tomorrow I'll get to see: Jenni, Bridgette, CB, John, Cory, Leanna, Tyler, Tyner, Zeke, Sarah, Hannah, Mandy, David, Amanda, Ryan, Mattie, Ann!!!
Tyner and Zeke will be married and it will be SO beautiful & we'll get to DANCE. Clint was a DOLL and practiced some swing dance moves with me last night. We're going to have so much fun. My aunt Sherri made me jewelry - pearls, beads, cracked glass, crystal - to match my outfit for tomorrow night & I l-o-v-e my dress (Alice + Olivia, black & white, precious!). Tonight I'm going to wear my "spanish flower" dress & hopefully go to Falls Park. Oh man I can't wait to see my friends. I'm ready for the good times, ready for this weekend!!
I think that Shakira song pretty much sums it up. Another one of her songs says, "Before I met you I wasn't terribly lucky - every prince charming lost charm after 12. But then you came and made the past look so funny, put my old sadness to sleep on the shelf." That's why the love God's BLESSED me with in Clint is a beautiful thing. He makes me laugh & brings so much joy into my life, & shows me what it means when it says in the Bible - "love covers over all wrongs." All the wrongs that were are covered up by love.
Saturday night I was out with friends downtown and am so thankful I am not out in the jungle that is the dating scene. I have never enjoyed it as it makes me feel anxious, tossed about in the waves - being single, wondering, questioning, trying to charm someone, playing the 'game' - and am so thankful that I have Clint who accepts me and challenges me like no one else in my life has ever done. I had felt tossed about but then I met him and there was a calm, a peace, and the storm no longer raged. There was a guy trying to hit on me, telling me how lovely I am, and I was thinking, you don't know me. And how nice it is to be known - my good, my bad, & my ugly, loved, accepted, and secure. Sure, being single has its fun aspects and is necessary for growth and to figure out what you want, but my heart was tired of the games and needed rest and that's what God provided.
I think Shakira says it well - I don't want to sit watching other people live, frozen by the fear to fail. I know I've done my FAIR SHARE of failing, & hurting (like Jillian, perhaps that's why the show struck me so deep), but I just can't let that hold me back from moving on, moving forward, and greeting this day with love in my heart! That's a motto I picked up from "The Best Salesman in the World."
I will greet this day with love in my heart.
Counting down the hours 'til my roadtrip with my sweetie...I'll do my best to document it!
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