Wednesday, September 30, 2009

faithful love

He is my faithful love. Psalm 144:2

What I think His faithful love sounds like, His never-will-I-leave you & never-will-I-forsake-you kind of love, His always present, always abundant, always sufficient, always passionate, protective, restorative, healing, comforting, joy-of-man's desiring, love-that-will-not-let-me-go love.


I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
While the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need

words of affirmation

Mark Twain said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment."

Perhaps words of affirmation is my love language. Kind words sure make me glow.

It's not every day that, after being volunteered by my favorite professor to participate in class one of my classmates told me, "look at you, having all the right answers," and, having a dear friend tell me, in so many words, that I'm a blessing & they're so glad they met me. :)

But it was one of those days today!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

tastes like fall

rooms' pumpkin cookie recipe.

i want to make these so i snagged this off facebook just now.

Preheat to 350.. mix 1 c canned pumpkin, 1 c white sugar, 1 egg, 1/2 c applesauce (unsweet), 1 c white flour, 1 c wheat flour, 2 tsp baking powder, 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp allspice, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp milk, 1 T vanilla, 1 12 oz bag semisweet chocolate chips, and 3/4 c chopped walnuts :) :) in that order.... and bake for ... 10 mins!! (i modified it to make it healthy, but you can swap white flour for plain and oil for applesauce)

fall is here. officially, and you can feel it outside for sure.

ah, yes, today there was quite a chill in the air. its that time of year when i get cold, pale, & plump. lol. awesome.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

channeling jessie lee

God blessed me with three incredible women for roommates my senior & junior year at Furman.

One of them, a Miss Jessie Lee, wrote a blog post that I remembered because similar things she thought about months ago I'm thinking about today, and she can say it better than I ever could.

Once upon a time Jessie mused....

i think selflessness is a sacrifice of self. i think that means putting others' needs above your own. i think that means being willing to get hurt if it will help someone else, if it will encourage their heart, if it will help them recover from something they've lost.

masochism, right?

see, not necessarily.

the kicker is that all the while, your self has to be wrapped up in the only one who can hold it together through all of those things. this does not mean a reckless chucking of the heart to anywhere but here and calling it faith. the real meaning of selflessness is not an avoidance of self's existence, it is a conscientious placement of the self, my self, in God's hands, so that he may put it wherever it is needed. and more often than not, my friends, my heart is needed elsewhere. did you notice the subconscious interchanging of the words "self" and "heart?" that was not intentional, but it is the most accurate description of how i view both of those things.

the desperation in selflessness comes from a lack of trust in the one who has your heart. or it may be that you've misplaced your heart thinking you've put it in his hands.

i cannot escape the charge i feel to give. i think it is true and right and i think that giving of my heart is something that i couldn't avoid if i tried. in fact, i think most of my intense struggles have come from a mis-allocation of the resources i've been given. meaning, i don't ever stop or shift from that mindset, i just put it toward inappropriate things.

and, you know, none of this is to say that i've learned nothing, or that my mistakes were only that. they've all been really great growth processes and i wouldn't erase them if i could.

i think, right now, all i can do is continue using my heart for what it's been made. giving. i think i need to stop asking why questions and start asking how and what questions. how best can i love people? what do they really need from me? i think if i do that faithfully and with my full heart i will have a wonderful, rewarding life.

when all is said and done
i'd never count the cost
it's worth all that's lost
just to see you smile

[tim mcgraw]

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

story time = angels

My mama sent this to me. Gave me chills. Jesus is the light in our dark world. :)


On Palm Sunday many of us sing a hymn contain­ing these lines:


The Angel armies of the skies

Look down with sad and wondering eyes

To see the approaching Sacrifice.


That, of course, is "only a hymn", but we have at least one piece of evidence from the Gospels that the angels of God are interested in human affairs. For Jesus Him­self said: "I tell you there is joy among the angels in Heaven over one sinner that repenteth." (Luke 15:10). If, then, there is joy, why should there not be sorrow? And why, in­deed, should not those other beings which God has created, different though they may be from ourselves, watch the unfolding of the human drama with the deep­est interest? These celestial beings live, as far as we know, perpetually in the Royal Presence. Apart from the fact that they are sometimes used as messengers, seen or unseen, from that world to this, we know nothing of the reasons for their existence. Nevertheless, it helps sometimes to break in imagination the fetters of earth and try to see things from the angels' point of view. We might even go so far as to say that this is part of Paul's thought when he talks of it being possible to "sit to­gether with Christ" (Ephesians 2:6).



It may give us a fresh perspective on life, if for a few moments we shed the limitations of earthbound think­ing and detach ourselves deliberately from modem pres­sures and problems. Let us pretend for a little while; the pretence may be fanciful, but it may help us to let the real truth break over us afresh.



Once upon a time a very young angel was being shown round the splendours and glories of the universes by a senior and experienced angel. To tell the truth, the little angel was beginning to be tired and a little bored. He had been shown whirling galaxies and blazing suns, infinite distances in the deathly cold of inter‑stellar space, and to his mind there seemed to be an awful lot of it all. Finally he was shown the galaxy of which our planetary system is but a small part. As the two of them drew near to the star which we call our sun and to its circling planets, the senior angel pointed to a small and rather insignificant sphere turning very slowly on its axis. It looked as dull as a dirty tennis‑ball to the little angel, whose mind was filled with the size and glory of what he had seen.



"I want you to watch that one particularly," said the senior angel, pointing with his finger.



"Well, it looks very small and rather dirty to me," said the little angel. "What's special about that one?"



"That,"' replied his senior solemnly, "is the Visited Planet."



"Visited?" said the little one. "You don't mean visited by --‑?"



"Indeed I do. That ball, which I have no doubt looks to you small and insignificant and not perhaps over‑clean, has been visited by our young Prince of Glory." And at these words he bowed his head reverently.



"But how?" queried the younger one. "Do you mean that our great and glorious Prince, with all these wonders and splendours of His Creation, and millions more that I’m sure I haven't seen yet, went down in Person to this fifth‑rate little ball? Why should He do a thing like that?"



"It isn't for us," said his senior a little stiffly, "'to ques­tion His "why's" except that I must point out to you that He is not impressed by size and numbers, as you seem to be. But that He really went I know, and all of us in Heaven who know anything know that. As to why He became one of them ‑ how else do you suppose could He visit them?"



The little angel's face wrinkled in disgust.



"Do you mean to tell me," he said, "that He stooped so low as to become one of those creeping, crawling creatures of that floating ball?"



"I do, and I don't think He would like you to call them 'creeping, crawling creatures` in that tone of voice. For, strange as it may seem to us, He loves them. He went down to visit them to lift them up to become like Him



The little angel looked blank. Such a thought was al­most beyond his comprehension.



"Close your eyes for a moment," said the senior angel, "and we will go back in what they call Time."



While the little angel's eyes were closed and the two of them moved nearer to the spinning ball, it stopped its spinning, spun backwards quite fast f or a while, and then slowly resumed its usual rotation.



"Now look!" And as the little angel did as he was told, there appeared here and there on the dull surface of the globe little flashes of light, some merely momentary and some persisting for quite a time.



"Well, what am I seeing now?" queried the little angel.



"You are watching this little world as it was some thousands of years ago." returned his companion. "Every flash and glow of light that you see is something of the Father's knowledge and wisdom breaking into the minds and hearts of people who live upon the earth. Not many people, you see, can hear His Voice or understand what He says, even though He is speaking gently and quietly to them all the time."



"Why are they so blind and deaf and stupid?" asked the junior angel rather crossly.



"It is not for us to judge them. We who live in the Splendour have no idea what it is like to live in the dark. We hear the music and the Voice like the sound of many waters every day of our lives, but to them ‑ well, there is much darkness and much noise and much distraction upon the earth. Only a few who are quiet and humble and wise hear His Voice. But watch, for in a moment you will see something truly wonderful."



The Earth went on turning and circling round the sun, and then quite suddenly, in the upper half of the globe, there appeared a light, tiny but so bright in its intensity that both the angels hid their eyes.



"I think I can guess," said the little angel in a low voice. "That was the Visit, wasn't it"



"Yes, that was the Visit. The Light Himself went down there and lived among them; but in a moment, and you will be able to tell that even with your eyes closed, the light will go out."



"But why? Could He not bear their darkness and stupidity? Did He have to return here?"



"No, it wasn't that," returned the senior angel. His voice was stern and sad. "They failed to recognise Him for Who He was ‑ or at least only a handful knew Him. For the most part they preferred their darkness to His Light, and in the end they killed Him."



"The fools, the crazy fools! They don't deserve --‑"



"Neither you nor I, nor any other angel, knows why they were so foolish and so wicked. Nor can we say what they deserve or don't deserve. But the fact remains, they killed our Prince of Glory while He was Man amongst them."



"And that I suppose was the end? I see the whole Earth has gone black and dark. All right, I won't judge them, but surely that is all they could expect?"



"'Wait, we are still far from the end of the story of the Visited Planet. Watch now, but be ready to cover your eyes again."



In utter blackness the earth turned round three times, and then there blazed with unbearable radiance a point of light.



"What now?" asked the little angel, shielding his eyes.



"They killed Him all right, but He conquered death. The thing most of them dread and fear all their lives He broke and conquered. He rose again, and a few of them saw Him and from then on became His utterly devoted slaves."



"Thank God for that," said the little angel.



"Amen. Open your eyes now, the dazzling light has gone. The Prince has returned to His Home of Light. But watch the Earth now."



As they looked, in place of the dazzling light there was a bright glow which throbbed and pulsated. And then as the Earth turned many times little points of light spread out. A few flickered and died; but for the most part the lights burned steadily, and as they continued to watch, in many parts of the globe there was a glow over many areas.



"You see what is happening?" asked the senior angel. "The bright glow is the company of loyal men and women He left behind, and with His help they spread the glow and now lights begin to shine all over the Earth."



"Yes, yes," said the little angel impatiently, "but how does it end? Will the little lights join up with each other? Will it all be light, as it is in Heaven?"



His senior shook his head. "We simply do not know," he replied. "It is in the Father's hands. Sometimes it is agony to watch and sometimes it is joy unspeakable. The end is not yet. But now I am sure you can see why this little ball is so important. He has visited it; He is working out His Plan upon it."



"Yes, I see, though I don't understand. I shall never forget that this is the Visited Planet."



Imaginary? Fanciful? Certainly, but a good deal truer than some of our current modem thinking. For in the eyes of the Eternal World this little planet is of the highest importance simply because it is the Visited Planet. We may not realise it at all, but we are right plumb in the middle of a vast drama, a tremendous battle between light and darkness. The whole core and essence of the Christian Faith, which many of us hold so lightly, is that Light Himself visited our darkness, scaled down to fit the human scene. It is true that since the Visit we know for certain that this rolling ball is by no means our permanent home; our destiny is higher even than that of the angels. But today, and every day that we live in the here‑and‑now, we are part of the vast Experiment, the age‑long Battle, whose stage and testing‑ground is the planet which we call the Earth.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

appropriate

I deleted my last post.

I don't know if it was appropriate.

I've often used this blog as an outlet to express what I'm thinking or feeling, and thought the last post was ok, that it was an expression of a something I hope for & something my uncle counseled me on & something I read about in Wild at Heart, but out of respect for someone I think the world of I will refrain from posts that have anything to do with my thoughts on relationships. Or maybe I should make this blog completely private? I don't know.

I'm so sorry.

Monday, September 14, 2009

He promises to fill, heal, & give REST

All ye heavy laden
All ye heavy hearted
All ye heavy burdened
Oh come, He will give you rest

O come and be filled
O come and be healed
By the spirit of the Lord

Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:8

SD gave me this song in a worship mix. Praise God for her & praise God for providing her with a godly man as a fiance!!! SOOOOOO exciting!!!!

I worshiped God by the river tonight (He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul - Psalm 23) listening to it.

My God is the God that provides & calls me to lay down my burdens & will instead fill me, heal me, lead me to rest.

GOD'S LOVE IS AMAZING! Oh how He loves us so (also on my worship mix!). God is the only thing that can satisfy our hearts and fill them. Sometimes you just gotta be present to Him and let Him love on you & let Him calm your heart & experience how much He delights in you.

I'm so glad I went down to the river to pray.

PLANS

I like plans. Making them, having them - not breaking them.

God makes plans, too.

God has a Plan A. But we are selfish & stubborn & stupid & mess up Plan A, and so He gives us Plan B. Sometimes Plan B is 10x better than Plan A. But with God there is never a dead end as long as we trust in Him, and His plans for us - whether it be Plan A, Plan B, Plan X, Y, Z - are to prosper us and never to harm us and to give us hope and a future like Jeremiah 29:11 says.

I do not know what God's plan is for me in regards to a future with a significant other. I do know & am learning to trust that His plan is always better than any plan I could make for myself. And it takes time for Him to harvest seeds He's planted to prepare me for greater blessings, & takes time to figure these things out, and what better way to teach an impatient (cough cough ME) person patience than making them wait on the Lord, trust in the Lord? And in doing so, already, these past few weeks I have been SO richly rewarded.

I do not know what God's plan is for my life is right now. But I do know, as Mother Teresa says, right now, today, and every day of my life I DO know what I am called to do. I am called to let Jesus love me & have that love overflow to others. I wish I knew more of what I am supposed to do, but that's all I got for now.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

weekend update :)

God's abundant love is giving me so much joy. I am so thankful, so humbled, at how He is blessing me with His presence & is absolutely taking care of me. I have nothing, I am nothing, apart from Him. Without Him I have no good thing. He makes everything glorious.

And you tell me how can it be any better than this?

He is everything. All I want, all I need, He's everything.


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
(Lifehouse, Everything)

I listened to this song on repeat yesterday and rested in the comfort & in the shelter of His love. The Bible says He longs to be gracious to us, and He does. He allures us, calls us to Himself because He wants to love us.

The sermon was RIGHT ON today. Quotes I wrote down:

We really only come to know ourselves as we come to know Jesus.

There was more that has to happen in (Peter's heart) to put the denials behind him.

Peter had protested his love would never diminish.

Jesus said to Peter, in essence, "the only thing that's going to restore you is my love." And its a wounding love, that penetrates so deeply into our motives, hearts, dark places, to reach us. The Lord's love breaks him then restores him.

Jesus message to Peter (and us) is know you are loved, then love me, then love & care for others.

Peter's denials have their roots in his need to be control and show his fear of the future. We fear if we are not in control of our lives our future will be uncertain.

*All of our addictions come from our fear of the future* But Heaven rules. And we do not.

When we grasp Jesus' love for us, despite our controlling nature, our pasts, we become soft like clay again, mold able. Jesus praised little children not because they were innocent but because they were humble, and still shape able.

God whispers in our successes & shouts to us in our needs. Adversity introduces me to myself.

You'll never know Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you've got - Mother Teresa

It is only when everything is stripped away do we really become aware & have a new openness for His love.


Our usefulness to God doesn't always come in the way we'd think.

Jesus asks, do you love me more than the control of your life? He says, I want your love for me which only comes from my love for you (We love because He loved us first). He says, I don't want your strengths, I want your love.

Mother Teresa paraphrased: "Your calling is to let Jesus love you & let that love overflow to others."

God uses what was broken to offer up Jesus, the bread of life, & wants to use us, the broken vessels we are, to bring His love to the world.

God is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

He gave me an amazing weekend.

Starting on Thursday, because Thursday is the new Friday, I watched the Titans game with Robin and a law school friend in my apartment then went to bar review at Silky's and mingled with my classmates and older students. I was sure to drink orange juice so to not get sick (one student has the swine flu!). We were out super late, but I desire getting to know people more than I desire sleep, so it was ok.

Friday my family came in town! Yay! Natey had a game and he did very well kicking and even caught a 15 yard pass. It was very nice to see my family. They tried to go to Beale Street but Natey couldn't get in, so they went to Hooters and I joined some law school friends at Bar Dogs. Then, I went to Republic for my classmate Lizzie's bday, then, to Silky's. Another great late night out on the town.

Saturday I watched the UT game with Robin. We watched the first half with a dental student I met Friday night & the second half with law school friends. Then I watched the LSU-Vandy game with a law school friend who is from Louisiana and we made chili for dinner (added a can of tomatoes and peppers that's used in rotel dips, think it added to the spiciness). Very yummy dinner but we were craving sweets so we went to Sonic and got M&M blasts & then watched Arthur, a very funny movie about a silly rich man. Then I went to bed before 2 for the first time all weekend.

Woke up this morning, ran at least 4 miles, and went to church with Maggie, and we are going back tonight because they are talking more about Peter, relinquishing control, and addressing addictions. I thank you God for putting Maggie in my life. You really blessed me through my time with her and our conversation over lunch (Panera, bbq chicken salad = delish!). Thank you thank you thank you God!

I am going to do some homework before and after church.

I am blown away at the extravagant love of God.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

hakuna matata

"Patience was willing to wait."

Quote from Pilgrims' Progress, a classic Christian book. It was in my devotional Streams in the Desert a few days ago. My cousin borrowed Pilgrims' Progress from my grandmother the summer before she died. The book was lost when Katrina leveled my cousin's home on the Mississippi coast. Friday will mark the 5 year anniversary of her death. I want to make my facebook status in honor of her, but whenever I think of a tribute, what comes to my mind seems a bit too morose, dramatic, emotional for facebook:

Five years in Heaven...what's it like seeing Jesus face to face? Give Madison and Alan a hug for me...Can't wait to see you again...How's eternal life? What's it like to see Jesus every day? Your life encourages & inspires me, & your memory warms my heart. You live on, you're living eternally in the hearts of your loved ones, and in your eternal home. We miss you. We love you. I think about how I wish you could be here, how I would like to know your reaction to things, how I'd like to see where you'd be today, who you'd be today. We could really use you here. The world needs people like you - loving, warm, shameless Christians who are a blast to be around and are real - real struggles, real joys, real love, really alive. Lindsay Carole. How I admire you!

I took the link to my blog off my facebook wall. Only a select few will be able to read it now. A wise woman said I don't need to be tooting my horn where I am right now in life. I've done a good deal of that, gone shoutin' off the mountain tops, then had to humbly climb down, say, I was wrong, say, things changed. I considered stopping blogging all together. If no one can read it, what's the point? There is a a point. It is an outlet.

And I am happy. Uncertain, yes; happy, absolutely! I still want to reflect on my joys, therefore, I will still blog.

A wise roommate of mine once said that joys, as well as sorrows, are burdens we're entrusted with to help us grow. God's given me both, in abundance, the past few weeks. It's a challenge to see how I'll handle them. The famous "Everybody's Free to wear sunscreen" song says don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much, which is where I'm getting at with this I think. Usually, I want to blab on and on about the joys and for once in my life, I'm keeping the talk about certain things at a minimum, which is totally unlike me - me, the one who wants to hang my heart out on a clothesline and analyze and gush over every wrinkle on it while it dries.

Doesn't mean recent events aren't significant or enjoyable, but I feel as though I have found a balance. I don't think about them or invest in them too much or too little but just the right amount, kind of like Goldilocks's porridge. It's healthier this way, puttin' the reigns on this ol' heart of mine. Not to say I'm using it less, but maybe I'm using my head/logic/reason more?

I am still a romantic, but I am not hopeless.

I think it's ok to be a romantic.

The other day Streams in the Desert also hit a home run in the resonating-with-where-I'm-at-these-days department:

Recognize the trial as a challenge from God to claim a larger blessing than we have ever before experienced, & to accept it w/delight as an opportunity of receiving a greater measure of God's divine grace.

Word.

These burdens we're entrusted with, these challenges God gives us, enlarge our hearts and increase our strength and make us open to receiving new blessings.

Patience was willing to wait, & so should I. Hard not to let my heart run ahead of me, or, hard to prevent it from geting lost in dizzying daydreams of the past. I do like where I am now. I like living in the present. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I like trusting that God will provide me with what I need for today. I like being in the today. I feel calmer this way.

Never thought Memphis would have a calming effect on me but it has. Maybe it's living near water. Maybe it's taking time to do a devotional each morning. Maybe it's my fabulous roommate, the good friends I've met, the new faces, the new sites, the conversation, the cooking, the jokes, the shared meals, or the intellectually stimulating and incredibly enjoyable classes. Ah, Memphis.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

labor day weekend

*If you have paid this ol' blog a visit but do not want/have time to read, at least scroll to the end of this post to see the pictures = latest editions to the good ol' apartment! I like them very much!* :)


Back to Memphis, back to work!

After church today I came back to Memphis and shall be devoting the next two days to my studies.

Time at home was short & sweet but there were a lot of pleasant distractions and it was difficult to get work done, though I did slip away to the library for over four hours.

In law school you just can't quite afford to take a day off.

Friday night I watched my baby brother's football game at Brentwood Academy! Natey did SO well & I am SO proud of him! He kicked a 48 & a 51 yard field goal! What a stud! SO fun to cheer and scream whenever "Renfro" was announced over the intercom, because you betcha it was announced - he is quite the play maker. I watched the game with my family & spent time with one of my best friends.

Saturday morning I ran/walked the 6-mile loop in Brentwood. I bet I ran about 4.5 miles of it, but I do NOT want to get injured, so I alternated between walking and running the rest of the route. Better safe than sorry, right? It was a glorious morning! The weather is getting cooler - hopefully it won't be cold soon - where it's at right now is quite refreshing! Post run was library time, then I took my same friend I saw Friday night to get our nails done. I love those massage chairs. My toes are now... drumroll please... bright pink! Big surprise, I know.

Saturday night our house was inundated with high school boys so I joined some friends at the Franklin jazz festival. And the band played songs that we had never heard but I sure enjoyed them.

Today's sermon was absolutely wonderful. So so wonderful. Preacher talked about the verse in Romans 8 that spells out how nothing can separate us from the love of God. He pointed out that because we are loved by God we are not worthless - unworthy of the love, yes, but not worthless. Instead, we are incredibly loved, incredibly valued, and if we were the only people in the world, Jesus still would have died for us, He loves us that much.

Preacher talked about a contest where each year the "best sentence ever written" is judged and awarded. One year, the winning entry was a postcard to a little girl from her step-dad while on his honeymoon with the girl's mom. He wrote, simply, "I love you." The little girl said she knew in that moment how her new dad felt about her, and to her, it was the best sentence ever written.

But is that not God's message to us? Is that not the best sentence ever? God loves us and there is nothing we can do, nothing that can happen, that can separate us from this love?

The preacher asked, though, how much does this really matter to us (that we can never be separated from God's love)? It meant the world to Paul(author of Romans). Billy Graham is known for saying "just give them Jesus" - because that is all we need. Jesus is all we need.

Preacher pointed out how there are some things that we fear being separated from - like approval we receive from others, or our talents or stuff, but what really matters is we will never be separated from God's love.

During communion a great guitarist was playing a medley of hymns. While kneeling I recognized "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" followed by "He Will Raise You Up on Eagle's Wings" and was overcome by how much love and hope God gives us. I prayed that He would give me only what would serve Him best, only what would please Him. Laying down my will & my desires is difficult, but when the familiar notes brought to mind the lines "and he will raise you up on eagles' wings" I was SO comforted that though I may feel so weak, God will carry me, and accomplish his purposes for me and through me. He knows what is best & I can trust him. He's a mighty fortress of refuge when I don't have answers or am just plain overwhelmed.

All this weekend I've been thinking about how when our hearts are broken God makes them stronger by weaving his strength in between the broken places to bind them back together again. And only he can do this. Only he can bring this healing, and eventual wholeness. When our little worlds feel like they are crumbling around us, and nothing seems certain anymore he is - He is safe, He is constant, we can cling to Him.

In fact, that is one of the reasons Jesus proclaims he came - to bind up the brokenhearted, the hearts & lives that have been shattered. Breaks my heart to see how badly divorce shatters hearts & breaks up families. Family is one of the greatest gifts God gives us, and when it is split up, when a marriage is ended... I can wait years & years for God to prepare my heart & that of my future spouse if by doing so he would prepare us to be the best partners we can be so we'd never meet divorce. Marriage is so sacred which makes divorce so so sad. One of my friends who is divorced told me she would have liked a lawyer with my compassionate qualities, and as odd as it may sound that I would be interested in being a family lawyer, I can see how it would be a way I could minister to people in a time of their deepest need. My great-grandmother asked me once what kind of lawyer I wanted to be and I jokingly replied "a good one" but I really do want to be a competent, compassionate lawyer first and foremost.

Heavy stuff this weekend but my heart feels lighter after a wonderful church service & a beautiful drive back to my peaceful, quiet apartment in the city where I feel like I'm thriving.

Oh, and this is exciting... my family friend made me a little blanket for the foot of my bed! It is SO precious & SO me (pink, green, w/adorable little pom poms)!!!!

And do you spy what is peeking out of the pillow cases?? My wonderful mother got these adorable ruffly pillow cases we found at TJ Maxx monogrammed with a BIG PINK A. Matches the other pink A I have displayed. :)

That's the latest! Civil Procedure is calling to me!