blessings & love

The quote of the day from last week has still got me thinking: Anything that makes you pray is a blessing.

Weekends are a blessing.

I am so incredibly fond of weekends.

I love being able to let my body rest until it was ready to wake (a whoppin’ 9 a.m. as opposed to 6 a.m.).

I love being able to take my time drinking my coffee, fixing breakfast, easing into the day. I love being able to spend time with my family or dog or boyfriend or friends without being aware of what time it is or even what day it is. The weekends generally have an overall feeling of rest and the pace – however I manage to slow it down, it works, it is good, it is more peaceful.

I’ve become painfully aware this weekend how by rushing through things I don’t get them done nearly as well if I slow down a notch, take a deep breath, and focus on the present, that the few extra seconds or minutes are worth it and aren’t wasted.

I’m learning to calmly approach situations and people but still have a long way to go. I’m not very calm by nature. Saw a bumper sticker the other day that had the combination of “Jesus” and “calm” in it. I can’t remember what it said exactly, so two I found online with that combo that are great: www.jesus.calm & “jesus calms you down and picks you up.” The bumper sticker reminded me that Jesus is present, in control, and offers me PEACE which calms my neurotic soul.

Isn’t feeling rushed one of the worst in the world? Sometimes I need to be reminded “just breath” and “just let it go.”

And reminded that instead of whining that there’s not enough time in the day, trying to be more efficient with the time I’m given, and giving MORE time to being aware of myself – how I am presenting myself, projecting myself, in hopes that by doing so I’ll become LESS absorbed with myself and MORE considerate of others. That seems backwards – thinking more about myself to become less self-absorbed, but I think it’ll work – thinking through the implications of what I do and say.

I saw another quote along the lines of count your loved ones when you count your blessings.

I need to be more mindful about giving the people in my life, the people I love, my best self. Sometimes I – and I have observed others do this too – reserve our worst for the people who love us figuring they will love us, accept us, unconditionally, and just because this is true (most the time) doesn’t mean we need to take their love for granted. The people in my life that God has blessed me with are my greatest treasures and I need to treat them as so – not as impositions, or annoying, or with resentment. Prayed that resentment would have no place in my heart. Everyone has their own battle to fight and blessings to bask in. If I had someone else’s life, someone else’s blessings, I wouldn’t have my own, and I may not be equipped to fight the unique battle they have. I wouldn’t trade one for the other. Praying to be thankful for the life and lot I have. Yeahh.

Also praying for:
BL’s medical stuff on Tuesday
That MW would find a job
SM could learn to rebuild

I guess those are the top 3. Already mentioned a few of the prayers I’ve sent up today. Prayers of thanksgiving for the people in my life.

Confession: I watched Juno for the first time, and it made me cry. Clint was like, ‘why are you crying?’ to which I replied, ‘I am so full of love.’ My heart felt so full of love and thankfulness, but it didn’t feel so full that it hurt (as my stomach oft does when I eat too much haha) – instead full, peaceful, resilient.

My friend Bethany reflected that “Love shouldn’t be a fight. Love shouldn’t be a struggle. Love should complete you, love should make you stronger. If a situation is robbing you of all your time and energy, you owe it to yourself to stop and reassess the situation.” I’m very grateful that I feel like that is the love I have been blessed with in my relationship with Clint. In Sex and the City, Charlotte says, “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted, where is he?” and that’s how I felt for so long – EXHAUSTED, tired of the fight, of trying to force things, make things work. But where that exhaustion once was I now feel delighted and energized and strengthened and filled.

Which leads me to another blessing. ANYTHING that makes you pray is a blessing. And a situation where a friend of mine expressed interest in me, though angst producing, was a huge blessing too. How? It did make me pray. And it taught me, showed me some things about myself and about Clint and our relationship. It made me ask and examine why am I in a romantic relationship with Clint and not pursuing or interested in one with my friend. Here’s what I discovered:

Going back to what Bethany said, with Clint, it’s not a fight or struggle and instead completes me, makes me stronger. I felt like her words were speaking right to me and thought when I read them – yes, it’s like that.

In saying this love completes me I mean where he is weak, I am strong, and where I am weak he is strong. He is more calm, kind, and patient, and has a heart for service. I’m more organized and efficient, and better at communication. We help each other develop in the areas where the other is lacking.

He has AN AMAZING FAMILY. They are loving to the core, loud, loads of fun, and there is a lot of them! I can see he has a solid foundation and solid support system – he has seen from example what a loving marriage looks like, what a loving father looks like, what a loving husband looks like, and has 5 uncles, 1 dad, and 1 granddad present to encourage him and keep him straight! Hanging out with his family Wednesday night – oh, the timing could not have been more perfect – as I was reminded all over again what a loving team they are, and being around them made me fall in love with him all over again! As the old adage goes, you don’t just marry the man, you marry the family, well, when it comes to Clint’s family I’m thinking YES PLEASE!

I feel as if we are on the same page spiritually and share similar values. I can trust him to lead me because he’s not the one “steering his ship.” He needs God in his life and tries to demonstrate God’s love by his lifestyle. Faith aside, he tries to be a morally good person. I don’t know where some guys get off thinking they can run around all they want, sleep around all they want, and when they are ready to settle down with a “good girl” and want a “good girl” the good girls are just going to be lining up. Doesn’t work that way with me, sorry! I don’t want to be with someone where there’s no telling where he’s been. Granted, people make mistakes, but it is pretty easy to distinguish a few slip ups from an established lifestyle/mindset.

As Shakira's song “Something” says, “you accept me like nobody [else].” He does. He is my rock. He loves me not for who I pretend to be or who I wish I was, but who I am. He loves me when I’ve drank too much, bombed my LSAT, caused tension with friends or family, am stressed. Each instance where I’ve upset him or been upset myself I have this very vivid image of him calmly, sincerely assuring me, “it’s ok” and letting me wrap my arms around his neck. This kind of love encourages and inspires me to be my best self, makes me stronger, knowing I am accepted to the core, knowing he is on my side. I think we make a great team and would be delighted to serve him for the rest of my life. The song “Something” also says, “and even if we never marry I will always love you.” The rest of my life has already begun it seems. Like most women I know I daydream about my wedding, though I have no idea when it will be. Hopefully sooner rather than later, to have one day devoted to celebrating this love. Until then I’ll aim to celebrate it in smaller ways each day.

At a wedding this weekend his best friend’s mom asked his mom if I’ve always been good to him, and she replied that she thinks I adore him as much as they do. My sweet sweet Clint.

Those reasons listed above were just why I feel utterly spoken for.

we belong together,
like the open seas and shores,
wedded by the planet force,
we've all been spoken for
{gavin degraw}