waiting

waiting! yes patiently waiting!
til the next steps made plain will be;
to hear, with the inner hearing,
the voice that will call for me.

waiting! yes hopefully waiting!
with hope that need not grow dim;
the master is pledged to guide me,
and my eyes are unto him.

waiting! expectantly waiting!
perhaps it may be today
the master will quickly open
the gate to my future way.

waiting! yes waiting! still waiting!
i know though i've waited long,
that while he withholds his purpose,
his waiting cannot be wrong.

waiting! yes waiting! still waiting!
the master will not be late:
since he knows i am waiting
for him to unlatch the gate.

-j danson smith, poem from today's streams in the desert reading

story people

My uncle told me once there were 3 rules for a great opera. Make it loud, wear flashy clothes & if it's not going your way, kill yourself. It has no basis in reality, he added. That's why I like it.

-- Story people

I get the story of the day from the story people. It makes me grin. Sweet lil musings that are silly. Silly is good.

atonement.

Hello! Thanks for stopping by my old blog. This ol' thing hasn't been tended to since January. I have a new blog that I've been using for the past few months, that's why this one has been neglected. If you want to know the new one just ask me, I'd love to share it with you - I'm nice (most of the time), please ask! :)

Much has happened since January.

The "1L" year as a whole, both semesters, has been one 1L (said quickly sounds like "one hell" for good reason) of a year!

This blog reminds me of a wonderful person I used to date because back when we were together I would use this blog as a means of recording our adventures. Now that we are not together and are seeing other people it seems strange to me (just strange, not useless, on the contrary actually - I'm sure if I was to read back through it I would be reminded of some very good lessons learned and memories had)...but I would not dare stroll down memory lane NOW because my head and heart need to be focused here.

It's just that I had a dream about this person and his mom last night and it was bittersweet. Makes me wonder if our memories are bitter to him or sweet or both. Wherever he is, I hope he is happy, truly happy. I wish I could have treated him better, and well, wish I could have treated all my exs better. Part of me feels like I am paying for the things I did wrong in the past (karma), and that when I finish atoning for my indiscretions, then I will fully get to use the lessons learned and will stop learning and experience the purpose for all those lessons. I think I am on the right track. Trial by fire, always trial by fire with me. I don't get many things right the first time, or second time, or third time for that matter.

I have learned that relationships seem to boil down to just whether two people can put up with each other's "crazy." This is not an original idea (it's Megan Flynn's). Even if people love each other, I do not think love alone is enough to keep people together. The parties in the relationship need to be able to respond to their partner's needs and not be repelled when the person is crazy, a.k.a. their needs are super intense or unusual. People need different things - some people need to receive what seems like an excess of affection, or affirming words, or gifts, or quality time together, or even space, to feel loved and affirmed and appreciated, and to have a successful relationship, the other person needs to be able to meet that need, and not make the other person feel like they are requiring too much. You can't change someone or love them so much that they will love you back, but when they make the choice to love you back despite your crazy - because everybody has a crazy - that is a fine time indeed. Love + acknowledge & acceptance of the crazy = a recipe for success.

9 days 'til summer!!! 9 days marathon sprint to the finish, here we go......

always hope.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:5


I haven't updated this thing since the last day of finals.

What an incredible night that was.

The feeling when I stepped out of my final final was an indescribable sense of freedom.

It was so neat seeing my classmates looking as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They were happy and relaxed for what seemed like the first time in months. I made new friends and shared some laughs and made some memories with the old.

It was a festive night, a very fun night, a night that makes me so excited to return to Memphis and pick up where I left off. For the majority of the law school folks, that was the last time I saw them, that was the last incredible impression and memory I have of them. Will everyone have a spirit of joy when I return? I hope so. Will they be stressed again? I hope not right away.

In this new year, I hope to always hope for the best and hope that good will come of everything. God can use everything and anything for good. I can hope for a good year. And look to him for good things. And like the lesser things I chased in 2009, looking for contentment or fulfillment, the hope I place and hinge on God will not disappoint.

Because he loves me dearly.

Because he fills my heart with love.

Because he reaches the places in my heart in only the way he can to satisfy me in only the way he can.