Thursday, August 28, 2008

what a deal!

Well well well.

I have now been to every class once – all four of them, a change from our trimester system (three in the fall, winterterm of two longer classes, & three in the spring). I like my classes and have friends in every class and homework in every class but don’t need to buckle down just yet thanks to Labor Day. This term I am taking Intro to American Government and Intro to Rhetoric on Mon., Wed., & Fri. and Constitutional Law & Civil Liberties (Civil Rights) and Communication Law Tues. & Thurs. The reading for each class covers topics that really interest me and for the next five weeks I will be pairing those assignments with my LSAT prep – don’t feel like I could be prepared enough for that baby. Little by little each day I’ll trudge through slowly but surely so it actually sinks in and my eyes aren’t glazing over and skimming the words with the material failing to absorb. The material absorbs but usually puts me to sleep – literally – after an hour. I’ve been so tired – the grey skies and inconsistent sleep schedule and late nights haven’t helped, but like I said, haven’t had to buckle down just let, I get to ease in which is nice.

Tonight was a prime example of taking it easy.

Corey (roommate Bridgette’s boyfriend) was having friends over to his house (aw, the little homeowner!) to watch the first South Carolina football game. He’s a huge fan and there was quite a spread – mostly prepared by Bridgette. The guys’ joke is she is going to make the food for their game days and leave. Anyhoo, there were mini hotdogs wrapped in bacon and cooked with brown sugar glaze, spinach artichoke dip, grilled veggies, burgers, wings, cheese dip, beer and cheese/beef/sour cream goodness and chips – quite a feast. South Carolina won and Corey was quite pleased and it was just such a nice relaxing atmosphere. I love what they (Bridgette and Corey) have done with the place. They’ve worked hard and really made it nice and made it their own. Also, Jessie and I were commenting on our way up the stairs how it was a nice change of pace from Furman. Already, having been back only a few days, we sense the intensity and competitiveness – not just academic wise, but who has the most stuff, the best stuff, who looks the best and has the most friends and who is better friends with whom – all that nonsense that’s so easy to get caught up in but so completely unnecessary and environments like tonight remind me just to take a deep breath and remember it’s not a freakin’ competition and I am ok just how I am. Some people make you feel at ease, that you are enough, just how you are, who you are, and this was one of those nights, Jessie, Bridgette, and Corey are those kind of friends, and for that I am very thankful.

LSAT prep and goodnight chat with Clint (who will be here this time tomorrow!!) before bed then it’s FRIDAY but all I have is class at 1:30 and some errands to get ready for my visitor.

As my favorite professor and academic advisor Dr. Delancey would say, what a deal!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

the start of something good

The day is grey but there’s a temporary break from the rain. Oh, Fay. It has been off and on all day. It rained on me when I went to get lunch and groceries and books. It rained for most my drive from Nashville to Furman yesterday. I made it in 5 hours and 10 minutes in the rain, which is still making very good time. At times it would be coming down so hard I couldn’t see what was in front of me until the windshield wipers sloshed the water off my window. Today there was standing water in the parking lot so I was sure not to wear my favorite flip flops – my pink rainbows I’ve had since last April – and I wore my new dress I wore the last night I saw Clint and didn’t even bother to brush my hair because there’s no point when everyone else looks like a wet dog too.

After running errands I made some sugar free hot chocolate (it actually tastes decent because you can taste the cocoa powder) and lay back in my pink bed, too tired to tackle finishing my room but not tired enough to go to sleep. I put on some music Clint gave me – a blend of piano, violin, and various other stuff that pairs very well with a warm, soothing mug of cocoa. He listens to this music to sleep and it could easily lull me to sleep just now. I feel so relaxed.

Ah, Furman, I am back for my senior year. How sweet it is to be back and for the most part, settled. I have a few things already on the walls – a new painting I didn’t use last year, my Pomeranian calendar (an essential decorative piece – duh), some pictures of my family I snagged from home and the picture collage Clint made me all where a TV would go, but I don’t have a TV in my room at school. I brought one with me last fall but took it back during fall break because I never even plugged it in. I spend my time doing other things, I suppose. And if I have a down moment or feel like wasting time I usually spend it reading, writing, running, or chatting.

Ah, chatting. Yesterday was fabulous for chatting. I rolled up at 2:30 and was informed that was 30 minutes after the rain had stopped. I moved my things inside with some help from Mandy and her family and decided going up and down the 3 flights of stairs with my arms full would suffice for my workout for the day. TJ dropped by and chatted with Mandy and me. Bridgette and I opened and had a glass of merlot (which was a mix of blueberry, blackberry, mint and vanilla – an awesome combination) and chatted on her bed. Jessie jumped on the bed and cuddlefest 2008 began. Mandy’s family treated me to Zaxbys and it was great to chat with them. They were wonderful, gracious hosts last spring break when I stayed at Mandy’s house before the cruise, and Mandy’s dad, who works at Epcot got us free passes to Disney & Epcot and fast passes for rides like Space Mountain. What a deal!

After dinner I got to work on my room slowly but surely – wasn’t terribly concerned with getting it done. Later Leanna dropped by and we chatted with Mandy over a mug of pomegranate tea. I really like pomegranate things and noticed, lucky for me, it is everywhere these days – teas, vitamin water, in beverage form, but also salad dressing and Orbitz gum. Leanna is peaceful and insightful and it was wonderful as always to see her and was the kind of conversation where friends share and relate and connect.

Later Katie Jane and Amanda dropped by and the entire bottle of merlot was distributed among those ladies and the roommates and Bridgette shared her homemade dark chocolate fudge. A bottle of Little Penguin white wine was opened but it smelled funny (as did Matt who had smoked a cheap cigar and later joined us) and wasn’t finished. There was laughter and dancing and Poppa Roach and Ludacris thanks to Corey’s high school CDs.

I called Clint to say good night and Bridgette sang to him – I think it was a personalized version of twinkle twinkle little star maybe? Some sort of lullaby for my jolly good fellow who is coming to visit Friday which is AMAZING. The peeps have asked if I miss him and I do, but it is quite bearable considering there’s only a couple more days til I see him next. The roommates are excited to see him and Mandy gets to meet him! I am so excited to show him my world here at Furman. It is a good little world. I won’t have gone this many days (5) of not seeing him since the first week in July; we saw each other pretty much every single day of the summer and it was fabulous. We are going hiking to the place where Last of the Mohicans was filmed if it is not raining. Rain rain go away for the weekend – it hasn’t bothered me today but hopefully it won’t rain the whole weekend.

I said goodnight to the cuddlefest on Bridgette’s bed at 3:15 and my first night in D30sexy came to an end.

Oh this is the start of something good,
Don’t you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through

Friday, August 22, 2008

Know any Bruce Springsteen??


She yells out to the band
Know any Bruce Springsteen
Then she jumps up on the bar
And she, and she starts to scream
She says

Hell yeah!
Turn it up!
Right on!
Hell yeah!
Sounds good!
Sing that song!
Guitar man playin' all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me
When life was good and love was easy

My dad got tickets to the Bruce Springsteen concert last night so the Renfro six, Mike the fiancĂ©, and Kim Jay’s friend all ventured downtown for a rock show!

We had VIP wristbands that took us to the floor in front of the stage. People standing nearby mentioned how they waited for an hour and a half outside for a lottery to get their wristbands. My dad got them because he operated on a stage manager. That same guy found us and gave my dad the play list Bruce had written out for the night – he changes it every night – and the official typed up version so we’d know what songs are coming next. There were literally 7 people standing between me and the stage. When Bruce reached out into the crowd, I touched his hand haha. He was dripping sweat and sure can move for an old guy! I was so impressed. He played for 2 ½ hours straight and had a full band – the E Street Band – a saxophone player, violinist, 3 or 4 guitar players and an awesome drummer. We were on our feet dancing and singing the whole night!

I thought it was so neat how on your right there were 50 year old men jamming, to your left were 15 year old teens jamming, behind me were young 30 somethings, right by the stage was a really old lady with white hair. There were young kids, families, but the majority was men, and they were going absolutely NUTS for him! I liked the energy (wished I had had more, I could only fist pump and sway for about two hours straight before I resorted to just clapping haha) and the talent and the music so loud it felt like the bass was pulsating on your heart.

We gotta get out while we’re young
’Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Thursday, August 21, 2008

it just takes some time

The LORD is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.

Psalm 23:1-3, the New Living Translation whereas the KJV and NIV versions say that I shall not want. I shall not want, but I do, so when I read these versions I feel a tinge of guilt. Thou shall not kill or steal or want. Rules & commands. Thou shall not do this or desire this.

The French version is so appropriate, using the verb manquer “to miss” to say that I miss nothing, nothing is missing to me, because the Lord is my shepherd.

Je ne manquerai de rien.

God is indescribable, but in all the scriptures, I feel these few versions do a brilliant job at capturing a picture of God, a snapshot of His being and His heart towards us. He leads us to rest, lets us rest, renews our strength, provides all that we need, and guides and protects and keeps us from harm like a shepherd.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

These verses help quiet my heart in the midst of my desire. Oh, desire. Makes me think of big red letters scrolled across some harlequin romance novels I see in the grocery stores with two lusty figures half dressed in a far away land. Oh, but the synonyms button in Microsoft Word is a bit closer to what I’m aiming for here, just a bit. Haha.

Wish want longing craving yearning need aspiration wish for

That pretty much describes it. My [insert above adjectives] to go to law school is weighing on my heart. The weight becomes heavier when I behold the mountains standing in my path in the form of a little thing called the LSAT. Is it such a big obstacle because I am not equipped/ready/suited to climb or a way to test my strength, make me work for it, fight for it, earn it? I’d like to think the second one. I would. These big standardized tests have never been my forte, and I was on the bottom percentile for applicants in Furman, but I made it, and I’ve worked my tail of to make the grade and have made the grade. A SAT score was not an indicator of my potential as a student or an indicator of success.

After a week of studying I made a few points lower on my practice LSAT test than I did back in June. True, I have not studied anything regarding Reading Comprehension which composed one fourth of this test and those sections brought my score down considerably. I had studied games for several hours and the percentage of correct games answers soared from about 35 to 85-90% which is so encouraging. I’ve just started to get my feet wet in the test prep and know I still have a long way to go but the fact that my score was lower really made me sad. Good news though, I still have over 6 weeks but it just seemed so daunting today. Just gotta take it a day at a time. Like anything worth having, a better score is going to take time and energy and effort and investment.

Hey,
Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright.


This truth hasn’t completely quieted my heart yet but I trust it will. It will and only will because the Lord is my Shepherd. The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. That’s not a panacea or band aid to make myself feel better. It’s truth. God has promised as our shepherd and father and creator and lover and savior that He will be with us whatever the future holds. And that, my friends, makes my anxieties seem less daunting.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

in the words of John McCain, yes yes and yes

Saturday night I watched Rick Warren host Obama and McCain. I just talked to my mom about it for 30 minutes so I wanted to read what had been said about their performances online. I was very impressed with McCain and hope his refreshingly straightforward and candid performance will provide momentum for the days to come. I was so impressed, particularly with how he gets to the point (doesn't dance around the question with eloquent language) and has decades of experience and personal conviction to back up what he says. To one of the questions he answered "yes yes and yes," hence the title of the blog.

You go, McCain!


The New York Times
August 18, 2008
Op-Ed Columnist
Showdown at Saddleback
By WILLIAM KRISTOL

Correction Appended

While normal people were out having fun Saturday night, I was home in front of the TV. But I wasn’t enjoying the Olympics. Your diligent columnist was dutifully watching Barack Obama and John McCain answer the Rev. Rick Warren’s questions at Saddleback Church. Virtue is sometimes rewarded. The event was worth watching — and for me yielded three conclusions.

First, Rick Warren should moderate one of the fall presidential debates.

Warren’s queries were simple but probing. He was fair to both candidates, his manner was relaxed but serious, and he neither went for “gotcha” questions nor pulled his punches. And his procedure of asking virtually identical questions to each candidate during his turn on stage paid off. It allowed us to see the two giving revealingly different answers to the same question.

So, I say, with all due respect to Jim Lehrer, Tom Brokaw and Bob Schieffer — the somewhat nondiverse group selected by the debates commission as the three presidential debate moderators — one of them should step aside for Warren.

Second, it was McCain’s night.

Obama made no big mistakes. But his tendency to somewhat windy generalities meant he wasn’t particularly compelling. McCain, who went second, was crisp by contrast, and his anecdotes colorful.

Now I’m not entirely unbiased (!), so I don’t quite trust my initial judgment in such matters. But it was confirmed the next morning. NBC’s Andrea Mitchell reported on “Meet the Press” that “the Obama people must feel that he didn’t do quite as well as they might have wanted to in that context. ... What they’re putting out privately is that McCain ... may have had some ability to overhear what the questions were to Obama.”

There’s no evidence that McCain had any such advantage. But the fact that Obama’s people made this suggestion means they know McCain outperformed him.

Third, Obama and McCain really do have different “worldviews,” to use Rick Warren’s term.

Perhaps the most revealing moment was the two candidates’ response to a question about evil. Yes, evil — that negation of the good that, Friedrich Nietzsche to the contrary notwithstanding, we seem not to have moved beyond.

Warren asked whether evil exists and if it does, “do we ignore it? Do we negotiate with it? Do we contain it? Do we defeat it?”

Obama and McCain agreed evil exists and couldn’t be ignored. But then their answers diverged.

Obama said that “we see evil all the time” — in Darfur, on the streets of our cities, in child abusers. Such evils, he continued, need to be “confronted squarely.” And while we can’t “erase evil from the world,” we can be “soldiers” in the task of confronting it when we see it.

But, Obama added, “Now, the one thing that I think is very important is for us to have some humility” as we confront evil. Why? Because “a lot of evil has been perpetrated based on the claim that we were trying to confront evil.” After all, “just because we think our intentions are good doesn’t always mean that we’re going to be doing good.”

It’s nice to see a liberal aware of the limits of good intentions — indeed, that the road to hell is paved with them. But here as elsewhere, Obama stayed at a high level of abstraction. It would have been interesting if Warren had asked a follow-up question: Where in particular has the United States in recent years — at home or especially abroad — perpetrated evil in the name of confronting evil? Hasn’t the overwhelming problem been, rather, a reluctance to effectively confront evil — in Darfur, or Rwanda, or pre-9/11 Afghanistan?

John McCain appears to think so. Unlike Obama, he took the question about evil to be in the first instance about 9/11. McCain asserted that “of course evil must be defeated,” and he put “radical Islamic extremism,” Al Qaeda in particular, at the top of his to-defeat list. In this context, McCain discussed the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and concluded by mentioning “the young men and women who are serving this nation in uniform.”

So while Obama talked of confronting evil, McCain spoke of defeating it. Obama took the view that evil is generally abroad in the world; McCain focused on radical Islam and 9/11. Obama claimed that all of us must be metaphorical “soldiers” against evil; McCain paid tribute to actual American soldiers. And McCain couldn’t resist saying again Saturday night that if he has to follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell to get him and bring him to justice, he’ll do so.

Rick Warren remarked Saturday night that he wanted to help us understand Obama’s and McCain’s different worldviews. He accomplished his purpose.

This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: August 19, 2008
In some editions of his column on Monday about the presidential forum at Saddleback Church in California, William Kristol said that there seemed to be no basis for charges that John McCain was not in a “cone of silence” during Barack Obama’s interview with the Rev. Rick Warren, and could therefore have heard questions posed first to Senator Obama. Senator McCain was in a motorcade for part of Senator Obama’s interview. A statement from his campaign said that he “never heard or saw any of Senator Obama’s appearance.”


McCain's Saddleback Grand Slam
08/18/2008
Barack Obama bumped into something hard on Saturday night. The nuanced naif of Illinois preceded -- in Paris Hilton’s wonderful snark -- the “wrinkly white-haired dude” in Pastor Rick Warren’s civility summit and came up very short.

You can judge how well McCain did by the minimalist coverage in the media. The highlights reported here were virtually ignored in the Sunday papers.

McCain has never been better. His self deprecation, his humor, and his life story turned the back-to-back interviews into a conclusive demonstration that he is ready for the presidency and Obama isn’t.

McCain was energized, comfortable and quietly eloquent in explaining why his life proves the most important of qualities in a president: character and core beliefs. Obama -- consistently charming and shallow -- demonstrated neither of those qualities.

John McCain was a prisoner of the North Vietnamese for more than five years. Researching an article four years ago on John Kerry’s antiwar activities during many of those same years, I interviewed more than a half-dozen of McCain’s fellow POWs. Each of them, in much the same words, said “I wouldn’t be alive today but for the personal courage of John McCain.”

That courage was explained, calmly, by McCain when Warren asked him to describe the most difficult “gut-wrenching” decision in his life.

McCain answered, “It was long ago and far away in a prison camp in North Vietnam. My father was a high ranking admiral. The Vietnamese came and said that I could leave prison early. And we had a code of conduct that said you only leave by order of capture. I also had a dear and beloved friend who was from California by the name of Ed Alvarez who had been shot down and captured a couple years before me. But I wasn't in good physical shape. In fact I was in rather bad physical shape.”

“So I said no. Now, in interest of full disclosure, I'm very happy I didn't know the war was going to last for another three years or so. But I said no. And I'll never forget. The high-ranking officer who offered it slammed the door and the interrogator said go back to your cell, it's going to be very tough on you now. And it was. But [it was] not only the toughest decision I ever made but I'm most happy about that decision than any decision I've ever made in my life. It took a lot of prayer. It took a lot of prayer.”

In answer to the same question, the best Obama could do was to claim his decision to oppose the war in Iraq was his toughest. How that was a gut-wrenching decision he didn’t explain. Given the fact that his campaign for the Democratic nomination succeeded because that “decision” gave Obama a huge advantage among the anti-war liberals who control the Democratic Party, Obama’s answer revealed political calculation, not moral courage.

McCain was presidential; Obama was a policy wonk. Warren, in the context of taxation, asked each candidate to define who is rich. Obama wandered around to conclude that a family whose income is $150,000 or less is “middle class.” McCain defined “rich” not in terms of dollar income, but in security, opportunity and freedom to choose the future of the family’s children. McCain sounded Reaganesque: “I think that rich is -- should be defined -- by a home, a good job and education and the ability to hand to our children a more prosperous and safer world than the one that we inherited.”

McCain took a full swing on question after question. Obama bunted.

Answering Warren’s question of when a baby is entitled to human rights, Obama said, “Well, I think that whether you are looking at it from a theological perspective or a scientific perspective, answering that question with specificity, you know, is above my pay grade.”

Obama said he was pro-choice. When pressed to say whether he’d ever voted to limit abortions, Obama slipped and slid around the question, claiming he was in favor of limits on late-term abortions, but cited no example of ever voting for legislation to create such limits. McCain said plainly that he believed that life beings at conception and that, “I will be a pro-life president and this presidency will have pro life policies. That's my commitment, that's my commitment to you.”

Obama defined marriage as between a man and a woman but then launched into an academic disquisition on why he wouldn’t support a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. He said, “I think my faith is strong enough and my marriage is strong enough that I can afford those civil rights to others even if I have a different perspective
or a different view.” Obama apparently believes gay marriage is a “civil right.” McCain doesn’t.

McCain -- an attack pilot, not a lawyer -- apparently has a deeper understanding of Constitutional law than the former chief of the Harvard Law Review. He said he’d support a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, “…If a Federal court decided that my state of Arizona had to observe what the state of Massachusetts decided, then I would favor a Constitutional amendment.” The Full Faith and Credit clause of the Constitution compels that result. Without an amendment, any gay marriage from any state must be given legitimacy by every other state.

Saturday night, Obama’s charm failed to mask his humorlessness. McCain’s comparative charm deficit (“You know, by a strange coincidence I was not elected ‘Miss Congeniality’ in the United States Senate this year. I don't know why”) didn’t mask his sense of humor.

Asked to name a changed position, McCain gently mocked California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger by saying his new-found support for offshore drilling wouldn’t be popular with many people “here in Caleefornia.” Talking about how America needs to build more nuclear power plants, McCain said that America likes to imitate the French. Most endearingly to those of us who cannot resist poking fun at the genetically disagreeable French, McCain said, “…and by the way if you hadn't noticed we now have a pro-American president of France which proves if you live long enough anything can happen in America.”

McCain scored a lot of points with conservatives in the Saturday night forum. His performance was so strong, and if he chooses to capitalize on it, this could be a tipping point for McCain.

His next opportunity to take a big step along that path will be the choice of his running mate. Choosing a strong conservative (Fred Thompson? Mike Pence?) to run with him, McCain could energize and unite Republicans for the remainder of this campaign. 2008 need not be a disaster for Republicans. The decisions that could prove the doomsayers wrong are not above John McCain’s pay grade.

Mr. Babbin is the editor of Human Events. He served as a deputy undersecretary of defense in President George H.W. Bush's administration.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

oh, writing

I've always loved writing and enjoyed what I found just now.

I was looking through my documents on my family's computer and I found this - my college admissions essay. Part of the law school application is a personal statement, so Lord willing I will be crafting my personal statement, 2009 edition, this winter.
I'm not sure if I added more to gear it towards Furman. Anyhoo, here it is...

Allison Renfro
Personal Statement

Tucked away under my bed are nineteen diaries. Filled to the brim with preteen anxieties, romantic prospects, and ideas for fictional stories, each book traces my continuously evolving thought process.
Ever since I was little, I have loved to write. Swept away by an inventive imagination, my literary prowess - exemplified in stories such as my fantasy horse club and a 5th grade version of a Titanic romance - had elevated me as an acclaimed author among my elementary school peers.
I wasn’t fully enthralled by my talent until I won second place in the Brentwood Women’s Club Poetry contest. Then, the egotism sank in. Heaven forbid my mom critique my work - I, the award-winning author.
My freshman literature teacher surpassed my second place ribbon with a more noted accomplishment - a college degree; providing the red ink I so desperately needed, she disabused me of my hubris. A writing style that was once grammatically incorrect and structurally unsound was rigorously tweaked, stretched, and pruned under her watchful eye. Her most important lectures were not on Othello and the Odyssey. Vastly more valuable were the lessons on humility, receiving my first (and only) 69 on an essay, and discipline, having to fight and struggle to maintain a B-average first semester, and then actually going the distance to earn an A in the semester that followed. The A, like anything else worth working for, did not come without a price. Only after several months of grueling practice and a plethora of one-on-one help-sessions was I capable of producing high caliber work.
I always thought my raw talent in itself was enough, but undeveloped potential alone never makes the grade. Learning the construction of a good paper did not kill my creativity as I had feared, but actually enhanced it. It was only within the constraints set by the higher authority that I could most fully express myself. In life one needs to have an exuberance and freedom of spirits, but that energy will only be positive if channeled effectively.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

FINISHED!



Pictures: Mayor Dean & me at the intern lunch; fellow interns at the Mayor's First Day press conference with Snow Bird

After 11 weeks in the Metropolitan Courthouse my Communication internship is over. I asked the mayor’s two senior advisors if they had any parting words, any words of wisdom, for me before I left. One, whom I will not name said, “Study hard and drink hard.” Hershell, good ol’ Hershell, paused. Thoughtfully and solemnly he replied:

“Be young & adventurous & enjoy. When a young person stays centered & focused on who they are the path becomes clear. But you need to know who you are & what you want before you can move forward.” I told him I was going to write that down and he chuckled.

She said I used to be beautiful
But now it's all gone
I let my dreams slip away from me
That's where it went wrong
Go be young, go be free
Follow your heart where it leads you
Don't end up like me

Edwin McCain – Go Be Young

Go be young, go be free.

Be young & adventurous & enjoy.

Check. Got it. Will do, mildew (that’s how my mom sometimes replies when I ask her to do something…strange Renfro family joke I guess).

I went to a lunch with Marnie, the lawyer I had interned with for 2 months at the beginning of the summer, and Aileen Katcher, a partner in Katcher Vaughn & Bailey Public Relations, one of the top PR agencies in Nashville. It went very well, very smooth, and public relations is still a career I am interested in, but right now I am set on pursuing a career in law.

I told my dad as much when he had THE talk. He gave me permission to order an online LSAT prep course and gave me his blessing to pursue it while always praying, always discerning, where I feel God directing me. GREAT talk. Going to start the prep course today!! I’m open, I’m flexible, but this seems like the path I’m to pursue now. My brother Nathan had an astute observation. He’s just a high school sophomore, but he said he would like to go to a college where he can get a job right afterwards, not have to go back for more school. Maybe I will get a job and wait before going to school. Mayor Dean said there are benefits to waiting and benefits to going straight to law school. Either way, law school is the goal for me, and right now I would like to go straight to school. We shall see.

Going to order my text books so hopefully they’ll arrive before classes start and begin my LSAT prep course!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

couldn't be happier


So I brought my old journal with me in case I finished my projects early which I did.

It’s my last full day at the mayor’s office and so naturally things are winding down and there’s not much work to be done. I brought my journal in case I had extra time so I could type up the letters I wrote to Clint before we started dating that I am going to leave with him when I leave to go back to Furman. There’s two letters and I can’t wait to share them with him. I’m so happy I kept a journal, a record of how our relationship developed.

After typing up the two letters I started at our first correspondence – May 21 – and read up until the journal was finished July 4. My thoughts and prayers and feelings combine to illustrate the beginnings of our relationship straight from my heart. Reading through the journal reminded me how instantly I felt intense, peaceful, positive feelings for him. Most the journaling regarding him is one big conversation with God – trying to fight and submit the feelings, thankfulness, confusion, more thankfulness, peace, and joy. The last entry was July 4th – “I have never been happier” which makes me think of Glenda’s song in Wicked:

We couldn't be happier,
Right, dear?
Couldn't be happier
Right here
Look what we've got
A fairy-tale plot
Our very own happy ending
Where we couldn't be happier -
True, dear?
Couldn't be happier

This relationship has been the highlight of my summer. And the summer is winding down. I read my roommate’s blog of how she got to go home after her summer in Nashville and be with her family. She is in a good place and sounds so refreshed and ready for what the next school year holds. Her blog reminded me of how it is so sweet to return home after a long time away – and so it will feel to return to Furman, though, I must say, these past couple days have been so great at home and I quickly forget the irritations and frustrations that have nagged me this summer because given the choice, I choose not to hold on to them and count the blessings (“count your blessings, count them one, two, three, don’t give up cuz it will all work out” – sister hazel, strange cup of tea). I still consider this summer the best summer ever, even though it’s been exhausting at times.

Last week Hershell (mayor’s senior advisor who has an office near mine) saw I wasn’t smiling and was confused as to why not. I told him I was tired and felt like I had a long way to go before my week off (I have almost a full week to rest and recover before packing up and heading to Furman). I told Hershell I just needed to have some time to rest, that was all. He said to push through these next couple weeks and then I’d be able to “cool it.”

“Cool it?” I asked.

“I mean, ‘chill’ as you kids say,” he corrected himself.
Oh, Hershell.

This place has been sweet but I’m ready to go. Had the intern lunch with the mayor today and got my picture taken with him. One of the interns is a Vandy law student and she and the mayor were giving me advice about law school. I STILL haven’t had THE talk with my dad about law school and law school financing but he has the Brentwood Academy back to school picnic tonight so tomorrow night MUST be the night. The law student told me to absolutely take the LSAT prep course and I need to get that started soon because I have less than 8 weeks now (they recommend 6-8 weeks) and I am planning on taking the LSAT. I am even excited to start the prep course. Not joking. I’m going for it – going to put my best foot out there for law school. Maybe I’ll go right after graduation, maybe I’ll work for a year. But I’m pursuing it.

Thanks to this summer I have this new path I’m pursuing and I am excited. I rearranged my course schedule and will be taking Intro. to American Government and Civil Rights & U.S. Constitution in the fall and hopefully a public policy class in the spring thanks to this new interest that has been sparked! I am very excited about these classes.

Thinking about this school year the sentiment I have is this: I couldn’t be happier!

I couldn’t be happier with my rooming situation with my wonderful roommates in a lovely apartment in what feels like my own space once again (yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!), my relationship with Clint that blossomed into something wonderful this summer, being reunited with Furman friends again, my course schedule, my undecided but promising (not scary – promising) future, and it seems I am going to “go out with a bang” and end on a positive note with mummy dearest. Mummy dearest and I will hopefully end the summer happily. That would be a happy ending indeed.

Less than 2 weeks left!

Monday, August 11, 2008

my last monday at the mayor's

Remember that time I was asked to sit in during the receptionist’s lunch break and 40 taxi cab drivers, who have been out of work for three weeks and had led protests at the courthouse over a month ago, filled the reception area seeking that the mayor address their poor working conditions and low wages?

Oh, right, that was five minutes ago. I sat eating my lunch and answering phone calls as the drivers talked to the mayor’s chief of staff and office of neighborhoods.
---
News Channel 5: Hundreds Of Nashville Taxi Drivers Call In Sick

Posted: Aug 11, 2008 11:03 AM CDT
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Some Nashville Taxi Drivers have decided to let city leaders know they are tired of poor working conditions, so they called in sick.
Monday at noon the hundreds of members of the Nashville Metro Taxi Driver's Alliance decided to take a sick day on the steps of the Metro Court House.
The taxi drivers want Mayor Karl Dean and city leaders to know how invaluable they are to the city's tourism.
In late July, hundreds of workers went on strike outside the courthouse trying to take a stand against low wages.
According to a recent survey, Nashville cab drivers only make a little over $2 an hour, after they pay various fees to the city and cab companies.
---
I’m not sure what the mayor’s role in addressing this is, but my heart goes out to them. Two dollars an hour? Who can live on $2 an hour? I know in third world countries people live off that much a day, but you just don’t expect that in the United States, not to mention your own hometown.

Justice, Lord, may your justice come on earth as it is in Heaven. If not in this life, then we have the hope that it certainly will in the next. We who believe in you have that hope.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

You will be set free


I’ll send out an army just to bring you back to me
Because regardless of your brothers lies
You will be set free
Because I am my beloved’s and my beloved’s mine
So you bring all your history, I’ll bring the bread and wine
And we’ll have us a party where all the drinks are on me
So surely as the rising sun
You will be set free

(Derek Webb)


Where do I even begin?

Beautiful.

Marilyn Monroe was considered the most beautiful woman in the world. She tried going out in disguise, with a wig and no makeup and she failed to attract any attention. This made her doubt her beauty and led to the downward spiral of depression that resulted in her eventual suicide. She was beautiful and didn’t get it. She had a man who loved her, but that wasn’t enough to make her believe it.

A couple weeks ago I was with some friends and they were playing wii featuring Miley Cyrus. One of the guys made a comment how Miley’s character was way too skinny and would send the wrong message to young girls. The fact that he recognized this and that it offended him really meant a lot to me, because what he said is true – it does send the wrong message of what we are supposed to look like as women. Satan has used these messages to oppress me for over ten years, making me think if I could just look a certain way I’d be happy and loved. I was praying about this last night and trying to figure out why I desire to be skinny and beautiful, and God, always one to take you to the difficult places in your heart that you don’t want to go but need to go, showed me how several years ago when my boyfriend cheated on me I thought, perhaps if I was more beautiful he wouldn’t have hurt me, so in order to protect myself from getting hurt like that again I need to try to be as beautiful as possible. God showed me how I feel validated when people notice me, when they call me beautiful and that is a motivating factor. But He also made me ask myself, seriously, do you seriously love people more or less depending on how they look? And the answer, after wrestling with it, is no…partly because I’m too worried about how I look and how they think I look. Case in point: Clint. He jokes about how he thinks he’s gained weight. Have I noticed, really have I noticed, at all? Not a pound. Not a single pound. So it hurts me when he thinks negatively of himself, and I want him to see what I see when I look at him, which is an incredibly handsome man. I try to tell him as much as I can that he is handsome, thinking the more I tell him the more it will register. And even if he did gain weight, would that make me love him more or less? Not at all. And this is God’s heart towards us. He tries to tell us He loves us, deems us worthy and beautiful and does all He can to make this register with us, He tries to get us to see what He sees when He sees us – he calls us his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). And as a masterpiece, that means we have incredible worth and value and beauty and are dearly loved by the one who created the masterpiece - God. And He is the only one who can bring this worth, this healing, this validation to our hearts. Nothing can set my heart free, bring me joy and love like this. Not even my parents, not the way I look, not Lucy. Not even Clint. And thank goodness this is the case, because the healing of our hearts is too much pressure for any mere mortal, but God can handle it, it is not too big for him, and He seeks to do it, longs to set us free, longs for us to know how he feels about us.

So why do I think that as long as I look a certain way people will stay by me and won’t leave me like that one guy did? Satan knows I’ll believe these lies and has used them against me for years so tries using them now…but God’s setting me free from this oppression, you see. Because He’s showing me that this is His heart, His attitude towards me: “All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you” – Song of Solomon 4:7. Just as married couples start to resemble each other, absorb each other’s mannerisms and “become one,” what God sees when He sees me is how I am becoming one with Christ, and “when perfection comes, the imperfection disappears,” 1 Corinthians 13: 10. What God sees when He sees me is Christ in my heart, and Christ is “perfect in beauty” (Psalm 50:2). And when we become one with Christ, it’s the paradox of where there’s less of us and more of him we really become more of our true selves, we get absorbed into his heart, and his heart is beautiful, his heart is love, he is whole.

Putting these thoughts into words has done me a world of good. It’s my way of letting Satan know I’m not a slave anymore to his lies and I am not bearing it alone. Whatever Satan’s message to me is, God’s message is you will be set free. While I’m in this world, Satan will still use his lies to make me doubt my worth, but little by little, the hope of “you will be set free” becomes more and more of a reality and little by little each day God is leading me to taste this truth.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The county fair


It was Labor Day weekend and I was 17
Bought a coke and some gasoline
And I drove out to the county fair

(Tim McGraw, Something Like That)

It was not Labor Day weekend, nor am I still 17 (whew, thank goodness!). But I did go to the county fair, the Williamson County Fair, last night. The county where I’ve lived for, what, almost 17 years now? Wow. Home sweet home to me. To the tune of Rocky Top: Good ol’ Williamson, Williamson County (oh that was painful…but it’s my blog, I get to make up songs if I want).

I’d never been before and figured I’d check it out. Plus, I found a buy one get one free admission coupon. I’m all about the coupons these days. I had a coupon for a free appetizer on Wednesday nights only at Dan McGuiness, so I got me a free appetizer before hitting up the fair. My date (Clint) did not like any of the seafood appetizer options, so we opted for the buffalo chickens skewers. Apparently the skewers were marinated in tobacco sauce and were too hot to handle. I dared Clint to see if he could eat one without drinking any water. He did. Oh, the self control.

We arrived at the fair after 8. The first event we saw were dogs trained to catch Frisbees. The dog lover that I am, I highly enjoyed this event. But not as much as I enjoyed the Ferris wheel. The night before Clint watched The Notebook for his very first time with me and there is a scene where the two main characters are at a fair and the leading lady is on the Ferris wheel with another guy but her future sweetheart hangs over her to get her attention and to get her to agree to go on a date with him. It’s a pretty gutsy scene but his purpose is accomplished.

Our Ferris wheel ride was sweet – no daring stunts necessary. Storms were predicted and we could see the dark clouds and white city lights in the distance. Ferris wheels are my favorite rides because I don’t do well on the rides that spin around and around and up and down and back and forth. I never, ever enjoyed tire swings growing up, so the spinning rides to me are just extensions of my negative childhood memories of feeling like I’ve acquired vertigo.

Next there was a lovely fireworks show. Who can be blasé about fireworks? Fireworks are awesome! And when watching them I find it absolutely necessary to comment on which ones are especially striking.

I also rode the carousel. Yes, I was the biggest person on the ride who was not accompanying a small child. I rode a white horse with a pink saddle in my polka dot dress and was very tickled to be doing so. It was delightful.

My favorite part of the fair came next. We watched a pig race, a duck race, a goat race, and a pot belly pig race. You know you’re at a county fair when a “must see” event is the animal races. The pot bellied pigs were hilarious – they would run, then stop. Run, then stop, snorting all the way. Watching ducks race was pretty funny too. Since they were the only critters on two legs, it actually resembled a foot race…just with waddling and quacking.

We then went to the petting zoo and petted goats, sheep, and a camel. There were porcupines, kangaroos, llamas, and tortoises, but they were out of reach and not to be petted. When I was little, probably around 5, I was at a petting zoo petting a goat. My mom told me I started singing to it and was in my own little world (big surprise). The goat then head butted me and knocked me over and I started crying. Poor little Ali.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Night Out Against Crime




Tonight I’ll be attending an event for the National Night Out Against Crime. NNOAC has been extraordinarily successful in promoting involvement in crime and drug prevention activities, strengthening police-community relations, and encouraging neighborhood camaraderie as part of the fight for safer streets. Janel (mayor’s press secretary) recommended dropping by the event at Hickory Hollow Mall. The mayor is giving some remarks there and where a march against crime will end in a rally. As mayor, Mayor Dean has set making Nashville safer as one of his top priorities, so this night is very important to him.

The Tennessean reports:

Communities across Nashville and the nation will be taking to the streets tonight in a show of force against crime.

It's the 25th annual National Night Out Against Crime, and the 14th year Nashvillians have taken part with block parties around the city. There are 45 parties planned in Nashville alone, sponsored by community groups and neighborhood watches hoping to foster a better sense of togetherness — with one another and the police.

….One neighborhood that [Metro Police Chief Ronal} Serpas and community leaders say is better than its reputation is using the night to bring attention to a movement against teen violence. Antioch leaders are holding a "Fed Up" march, ending with a rally in the Hickory Hollow Mall parking lot.

"We want to bring the entire Antioch community to fellowship as one, and also let Nashville and the community know that they are fed up about this silliness, these crimes, and also recognize what some of the causes are," said Darrell Walker, overseer of the children and youth ministry at Mt. Zion Baptist Church.

The Hickory Hollow event will be heavy on participation from service agencies, offering help to parents struggling to reign in their teenagers, and entertainment to bring families together. Walker hopes it will give purpose to those in need of assistance and serve as a positive example that Antioch is making changes.

If nothing else, the community gathering is a means for the city to speak in one voice that crime is not welcome , Serpas said.

I’m excited to see how it turns out – this is not really anything I’m familiar with in the least bit. I’ve always grown up in the safe suburbs. I don’t say that to brag – that’s just always been my reality. I am not naĂŻve – I KNOW there are many people and children and families out there who have to constantly worry about their safety because their communities are unsafe and that is absolutely terrible. Today I came across a documentary by Nashville Public Radio on kids here in Nashville who live in the ghettos and I got a real glimpse into this whole other world. I cannot even imagine the things they describe – living in fear of gangs, the uneasiness, the feeling of being ashamed of their communities. I get uneasy driving by ghettos but that is where these kids live. Why is that their circumstance, their reality, and not mine? How did I get "lucky" as to have a "better" circumstance? It just doesn't make sense.

The three pictures I included correspond with the comments the kids made about them. Seeing these pictures make me more eager to attend the event tonight, an event that dares to hope that safer streets, better communities, can and should be a reality – a reality worth fighting for because the people deserve better out of life.

Earlier this year, a dozen middle-schoolers spent a couple of months combing South Nashville’s J.C. Napier Public Housing project, armed only with disposable cameras. Their assignment was to document their lives, to highlight problems in their community, and to share these insights with a wider audience. As a result, the kids started to see things in their neighborhood that they’d never noticed before. Including their own power to effect change.

“Pictures, if you look at ‘em hard enough, you can see a story about the picture by the way it looks. Like saying don’t judge us by the way our community looks, stuff like that.”


"Downtown from the Projects"

Implementer 1: What does this photo make you feel?

Youth 1: Lonely…It feels lonely ‘cause the neighborhood is empty. It’s like people should be here. People should be outside…My community and the city are different. This is an uncomfortable place to be in, but the city is a fun place to be.

"Calm Before the Storm"

6th grader

Youth 1: A lot of people don’t go there because they shoot all the time.

Youth 2: Like it could be some kids on the basketball court and some gang members could start shooting and kids run. It’s like violence.

Youth 1: As soon as it gets dark…It’s not a good feeling.

"Can’t Shine"

6th grader

Youth 1: It’s like God saying I’m going to change this because I don’t like the way it look.

Youth 2: Jesus isn’t like that, he’s just invisible.

Youth 1: People afraid to come outside…With the light, it’s like one of the houses of people has full potential, but they can’t shine because of what their community looks like.

Youth 3: In a way I think it’s happy and in a way I think it’s sad. It could change, but people don’t take the time to do it. The housing could be better.

This was my favorite picture. There's light in a dark place. There's still hope shining through the darkness. That's the effect His light has on the world's darkness:

It’s like God saying I’m going to change this because I don’t like the way it look.

"that's exactly what faith is"

The Tennessean reports today:

Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman; his wife, Mary Beth; and their children Emily, Caleb and Will discuss the May 21 death of their 5-year-old daughter and sister, Maria, on Good Morning America on Wednesday. They'll appear on Larry King Live on Thursday.

Maria died after being struck by a car in the family's driveway in May.

Steven tells GMA in the interview, "My son said the other day, that, you know, 'Yeah, we are family, and a lot of people say, you know, of great faith. But we're a family with a lot of questions.' But that's what faith is. It's living with the questions. That doesn't mean you have the answers. That's exactly what faith is."

Monday, August 4, 2008

2001


Ah, ipod shuffle you treated me sweetly on the way home today, didn't you.

Shakira has been one of my favorite, if not my favorite, singer since 2001, when I first heard of her. It was the summer before 9th grade. For Christmas I got a perm so my hair would look like hers. This is the most extreme thing I've ever done as a fan (at first I was thinking it was the silliest thing, but I've dressed up like the Spice Girls and had a performance in 5th grade with my buds). Also in 2001 I went on a date with a handsome young man named Clint Wickles, the very same Clint Wickles who is now my boyfriend. Also in 2001 Shakira got engaged, and she has yet to plan her wedding because she is too busy.

Basically some of my favorite songs are Shakira songs but I haven't listened to anything she's put out recently (besides Hips Don't Lie). Her slow stuff is the best. Though she sings in Spanish, "Something" came on my ipod shuffle list this evening, and the beginning is in French. I listened to Something on repeat. It makes me think of someone near and dear to my heart and the way it is able to describe how I feel and how he is makes it seem like the song was written just for us. A good song will do that, will connect with you on such a deep level, in such an intimate way, touches you so personally it seems just for you. It's surreal in that moment of realization of - oh, someone else has felt this, experienced this too? Hearing the song I was thinking, yes, that is what it is like, that is exactly what it is like. I've had my share of relationships but I have to wonder if the way I feel now -- is this what people have been experiencing for hundreds of years? Is this how Jacob felt when he met Rachel and seven years seemed like days because of his love for her? Is this how it felt for Solomon's bride every time she looked at her king? A peace and warmth that transcends understanding, transcends anything and everything experienced before.
Can it be love? It sure is something. He sure is something.

"Something"

Quand tu [when you]
Quand tu me prends dans tes bras [when you hold me in your arms]
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux [when i look into your eyes]
Je vois qu'un Dieu existe [i see that God exists]
Ce n'est pas dur d'y croire [it's not hard to believe]

Before I met you I wasn't terribly lucky
Every Prince Charming lost charm after twelve
But then you came and made the past look so funny
Put my old sadness to sleep on a shelf

If this was meant to be
Don't condemn me to be free
And even if we never marry
I will always love you, baby
Childishly

'Cause something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists

And there's something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists
You make me believe
You make me believe

I love the temperature and smell of your body
The shape of your lips and the size of your nose
I love that everything you say is so funny
Plus you're the best kisser that I've ever known

All I ask of you




I heard this song on the way to my internship this morning (it's from Phantom of the Opera, Christine and Raoul sing it to each other)and it really resonated with me. Hmm wonder why...

No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

Say you'll love me every waking moment;
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light;
you're safe, no one will find you,
your fears are far behind you.

All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night;
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me.

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
let me lead you from you solitude.
Say you need me with you, here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too,
that's all I ask of you.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.
Say the word and I will follow you.

Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Say you love me...

You know I do.

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Anywhere you go let me go too

Love me...
that's all I ask of you.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

August has arrived








August has made quite the entrance. August arrived on the scene in style. August has gotten off to a great start. The clichés describe it well.

August 1: Well, at midnight a group of ladies were still downtown for Megan Hassall’s bachelorette party. We had gone to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner and down Broadway to help her celebrate. She had a sash and a necklace – nothing scandalous. No penis straws like the last bachelorette party I attended. The scandalous part was found at Coyote Ugly. She had dice to roll for dares. Many men bought the bride-to-be drinks and even drinks for her friends. At Coyote Ugly she got up on the bar with some of the girls and I took pictures of them. I get to help plan my sister’s bachelorette party. August 18, 2009 is her big day. Friday night I went with Clint and his friend Mark to Chili’s for margarita happy hour. Hunter, one of Clint’s friends since forever, met us there with his cute girlfriend Faith. Megan Flynn and Jeremy, my friends since forever, came as well. We went downtown to the Demonbreun area to Dan McGuiness, an Irish pub, and saw Robin, who’s been in Seattle since June, and her Samford crew. I like going out on the town. I like being with friends and having some drinks and staying up late. Ah, the essence of summer. The major difference about this summer is I’ve been old enough to get in anywhere, have a drink if I so desire.

August 2: MEGAN HASSALL GOT MARRIED. Of course the wedding was beautiful, what was beautiful about it? Well, Megan Flynn and I got there early to see the bride before the ceremony. Megan and her groom Logan saw each other before the service to take the pressure off and ease the anxiety. Megan F, her boyfriend Alex, Clint, Robin and Robin’s family and I all got to sit together. The flowers were lovely, the music before the ceremony was lovely. My favorite stained glass window of Jesus was in full view. I kept thinking of how my sister is going to get married in the same sanctuary, and Lord willing, I will too. I finally got to wear my foxy dress and I had a pashmina to cover my shoulders in the church. Clint looked so handsome in his suit. Megan and I were tickled at seeing the other guests trickle in – people we’ve known all our lives. Laura White sang “Be Thou My Vision” from the balcony. I loved watching Logan. He was brimming with joy and pure love. A true reflection of Christ’s heart for His bride, the church. So amazing and wonderful in the true sense of the words. Love is patient, love is kind, and marriage is so beautiful and sacred and I’m so glad their ceremony captured that. They promised to faithfully love and care for each other until parted by death and had a passionate kiss to seal the deal. We blew bubbles as they exited the church and went to Cabana, an amazing place for a reception. Their first song was to Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” but as a surprise it switched to the techno version and we jumped in to join them. The food was great, the company was great (got to spend dinner with Robin’s family, Robin, Clint, Jeremy, Megan and Alex and even got a minute or two with the bride) the wine was great, the cake was great – I put it on Clint’s face. Haha. The dancing was fun. I loved dancing in my dress. A random dude danced with me and Clint was not pleased and so he left the dance floor and I could not find him for a little bit. Megan was ready to go so we did and once we got back to my house it looked like the party for my dad’s 50th was still going on so Clint took me to the grocery store and we got a midnight snack and drove around for a bit talking, resolving. At the reception it was a lot of socializing with friends so it was so nice to be able to have time alone with him. Few things make me happier. I’m still blown away by how I feel better and more peaceful with him – a peaceful easy feeling – after a month and a half than I did after a year and a half with someone else. Sometimes when it works it works. It’s so nice that it’s so easy. Simple as that. It’s nice when life is simple.

Makes me think of this quote that was on my Vitamin Water the other day:

If you woke up tired, you probably need more sleep. If you woke up drooling at your desk, you probably need a new job. If you woke up with a headache on a ferris wheel at the Idaho State Fair, wearing a toga, you probably need answers…and if you’re like our boss, mike, and woke up married to an elvis impersonator, you probably need a lawyer.

I like when life has simple answers. If you’re late, you probably need to leave 5 minutes earlier. There’s many simple answers. Many questions that don’t have simple answers, or answers that can be revealed now. I remember reading somewhere to learn to love the questions, to embrace them and embrace the process, life’s story with the end chapters ripped out, and I want to know what’s in store. Not knowing where I’ll be next year or what I’ll be doing has been driving me nuts. These last couple days I’ve felt much better about not knowing. I’m not going to know now, but I have some options. I took some time to pray about it, and to pray about my relationships and my vices, and as prayer tends to do I feel much better about life in general. If my heart could breathe it would already be breathing easier. It’s shuffled off some of the resentment and anxiety it had been shouldering. Money stresses me out. David Gray has this song called “Nightblindness” which is so haunting:


A million to one outsiders
Nightblindness
Cant see

Your bright eyes are what
The time is
Twenty five past eternity

Hear you listening
To the silence
Coming closer
Now further away

What we gonna do
When the money runs out
I wish that there was something left to say
Where we going to find the eyes to see
The bright of day

What we gonna do when the money runs out? So haunting. So devastating. Money is dangerous in the sense that it can ignite a panic of always needing more, wanting more. I need more money. How am I going to make money? What if once I finally get a job I loose it? I can’t worry about all that now. Worrying about all this will just drive me nuts. It had been driving me nuts. Things just work out. They do. They always have. Nothing will come my way that’s too big for me to handle because nothing will come my way that’s bigger than my God. That was the sermon today by our new preacher. He said, for every storm there’s an anchor. And that anchor is our faith in Jesus Christ.

Be of good cheer, Jesus said. In this world you will have trouble – it’s going to happen – but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world (John 16:33). He has weathered and overcome the worst of storms and can impart His strength, His strength that conquered death, to help us in our storms.

These words to live by have been on my heart these last couple days and have provided good guidance to me. In desiring to glorify God with my life, I’ve found that these two quotes offer practical guidance of how that could and should manifest itself in me. I’m nowhere close to living how I should and could, but they offer good direction.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa
The storms of worry regarding the future threaten to block the sun, block the light and the joy of the present. But I can be of good cheer because I have an anchor in the storm and very strong arms to hold me that will never fail or let me go.

an interesting perspective

I received this message in an email. This message comes from an American Army Captain serving in Afghanistan who is a personal friend of one of my friends. Obama is the media's sweetheart for sure. If this is true, which I have little reason to believe it's not true, then this is just kind of sad.



Hello everyone,
As you know I am not a very political person. I just wanted to pass along that Senator Obama came to Bagram Afghanistan for about an hour on his visit to "The War Zone". I wanted to share with you what happened.
He got off the plane and got into a bullet proof vehicle, got to the area to meet with the Major General (2 Star) who is the commander here at Bagram.

As the Soldiers where lined up to shake his hand he blew them off and didn't say a word as he went into the conference room to meet the General. As he finished, the vehicles took him to the Clam Shell (pretty much a big top tent that military personnel can play basketball or work out in with weights) so he could take his publicity pictures playing basketball. He again shunned the opportunity to talk to Soldiers to thank them for their service.

So really he was just here to make a showing for the American's back home that he is their candidate for President. I think that if you are going to make an effort to come all the way over here you would thank those that are providing the freedom that they are providing for you.

I swear we got more thanks from the NBA Basketball Players or the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders than from one of the Senators, who wants to be the President of the United States. I just don't understand how anyone would want him to be our Commander-and-Chief. It was almost that he was scared to be around those that provide the freedom for him and our great country.

If this is blunt and to the point I am sorry but I wanted you all to know what kind of caliber of person he really is. What you see in the news is all fake.

In service,
CPT Jeffrey S. Porter
Battle Captain
TF Wasatch
American Soldier