last day of finals :)

Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man. - Edmond, The Count of Monte Cristo

I was reminded of that quote when reading my devotional this morning. It's an oldie but goodie. :)

The devotional said:

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. - 2 Corinthians 1:6-7

Are there some people in your circle of friends to whom you naturally go in times of trial & sorrow - people who always seem to say just the right words and who give you the very counsel you so desire? If so, you may not realize the high cost they have paid to become so skilled at binding up your gaping wounds and drying your tears. Yet if you were to investigate their past, you would find they have suffered more than most other people.

They have watched the silver cord on which the lamp of life hung slowly unravel. The have seen the golden bowl of joy smashed at their feet, and its contents spilled {this line made me think of the 'Count' quote} They have experienced raging tides, withering crops, and darkness at high noon, but all this has been necessary to make them into nurses, physicians, and ministers of others.

It's the day we've all been waiting for - the last day of the term. When I think back on this semester I am so thankful for both the highlights - the best of times - but also the hurdles - the difficult times - that have come my way. I've certainly felt both extremes described by the quote this term - the basking in the sunlight, and the shattered on the rock part.

Before my last exam two friends of mine commented on how calm I seem. I feel very calm this morning, too. I think 'calm' would not have described me pre-test in undergrad, so it is nice to know I have grown some since then haha. Often we don't recognize growth along the way but our friends or certain occurances serve as mirrors to show us we are changed, different, better, still moving forward by God's grace. Thank you for your prayers, Uncle Bill & Allison, and anybody else. :)

"O Sovereign LORD, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more" - Judges 16:28

christmas vests & fidelity

Hello blog! I sit listening to the wind howling outside my window on what has been a blustery December day("oh the weather outside is frightful..."). My lil hot pink Christmas tree & Robin's white Christmas lights on the garland *brighten* up the room. My advent calendar that I won as the RENFRO 2009 THANKSGIVING BINGO CHAMPION is prominently displayed! December 8th. When the heck did it become December 8th?!

In 2 days from now I will be at a tacky Christmas sweater party with my classmates. We will be celebrating the end of the semester with great holiday cheer.

I am wearing what I have worn to every tacky Christmas sweater party I've attended (only 2 - Pi Kapp's Christmas Crunk!): my Christmas vest (this year, with my gray dress)!! Christmas Crunk was SO much fun: one of the brothers would dress as Santa & would deliver presents, there would be holiday goodies like peppermint bark & gingerbread, & Santa would read the Night Before Christmas. For Christmas Crunk freshman year, Spencer and I found these vests at Goodwill and decided to go to the party both wearing such incredibly fashionable attire. Then I wore it junior year too, same party. Thursday's party is going to be aaaaamazing. Austin Rainey is going as Santa. I cannot wait.




And Saturday, my gal pal Amy (non-law school friend) is ALSO having a tacky sweater party. Guess what I'm wearing? Tacky vest? You betcha. Alex Maclin said I should wear the exact same thing to both parties. I just might. Why not. Guys repeat outfits all the time.

Speaking of guys/boys/men...

One of my friends wrote on twitter a few days ago:

Why are all my sports idols unfaithful husbands? Is it really that hard?

This friend, a Mr. Adams, was a big fan of McNair and also Tiger Woods. I always thought Tiger and his wife were a lovely couple. 5 years ago they sailed off into the sunset on a yacht after promising to be faithful and to love each other for better or worse. Lovely? Yes. Trouble in paradise? Absolutely. No thank you. Wouldn't want to be in Mrs. Woods' shoes for anything.

Who cares if you can sail off like that and have an elaborate million dollar wedding if you don't renew those vows every day, and every day choose to love the person you made a promise to God (or if not to God, you promised your spouse!) that you would love??

I said to my roommate, "Kobe Bryant, Steve McNair, and now Tiger! What does this mean?" And she said, "Men cheat!" She was joking. But what she said after was that when people - men or women - are given whatever they want they think they can have and do whatever they want, which is I think a good answer to Mr. Adams' question.

I believe there are still good faithful men out there. I know there are men out there who desire to be faithful to their wives and truly love their wives - I know plenty of them. I hope God brings one of my own into my life one day; this good faithful woman looks forward to loving a good faithful man when the time is right. Song of Solomon says to not arouse or awaken love until the proper time. My friend (Megan Flynn - referencing your wisdom) said when its supposed to work it will, it will be easy, and you'll just click & know. Doesn't that sound glorious!

Mr. Adams also copied what someone else "tweeted" which was:

Faithful men exist but they are the men women ignore, won't talk to, take their drink in the club and walk away

I hate it when nice guys feel like nice guys finish last. They don't. Your reward for not being a douche pays off. It does. I am tempted to be disheartened myself for being a "good girl." But it is worth it. It pleases God, for one, and it is the better way to be. There are plenty of people still totally infatuated with the bad guys and bad girls; guys who want girls like Megan Foxx who is sooo trashy and girls who will put up with douches who mistreat them. What is going on in the world these days. I think Taylor Swift is a breath of fresh air among the teenyboopers "good girls gone bad," and I think there's lots of guys out there who agree.

She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus, and America too...I think that's a pretty good way to classify a gal if you ask me. :)

i hope it's going to make you notice, i hope it's going to make you notice, someone like me. (kings of leon)

happy friday!

Finishing my contracts final was a GREAT feeling.

Even better was getting a peppermint mocha frappachino and driving home down Poplar, where there were very pretty snowflake lights twinkling! That was like icing on the cake. Christmas liiiiiiiights!!!!

Now, I am going to play trivia for the first time with some of my best friends here. Now that's like sprinkles on the icing on the cake. Perfect study break, chance to clear my head and get some good laughs in before having to buckle down again.

I feel it, I'm on the home stretch now, folks :)

beloved.

Beloved by Tenth Ave North: God's heart towards you, God's heart towards me. A heart of pure, passionate, unfailing, redemptive, never ending love, that entered our broken world so we could know Him and spend eternity with Him.

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me now

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now

Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me

You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

That song was just what I needed to hear. I'm listening to it on repeat before I go to sleep.

It's the message I needed to hear because today has been a rather long day. I'm worn out & feel like I've read this stuff over & over again so my eyes just start skimming & stop absorbing. I had the worst headache - probably from reading this outline that has really small font - so I took a nap. And a bubble bath. And some advil. Headache is gone, thank you God. Come on body, don't fail me now, just one more week.

I'm so nervous & feel so much pressure. I want to do my best. I don't want to fail. I really really really want to be in law school and am so thankful and happy to be here, I don't want to have to leave. I feel called to be here. I have felt such a peace here and feel like I am where God wants me.

I'm nervous that if I don't do well - what? People will think differently of me? Won't like me as much? Won't be as proud of me? I'm giving it my best.

I know at the end of the day my performance on these tests is not what defines me, and I am not just saying that to make myself feel better; no, in these hard times I can rest in Him, knowing He calls me beloved no matter what I do, no matter when I fail or fall or question and turn from His love. My identity and my worth is because God deems me worthy, and worth loving. I know I just have to trust Him when He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I know I have to trust Him, period. Because I often can't understand the purpose of things. I ask why, but instead of answers, I need a heart that will trust Him fully. I can trust Him to care for me, that He knows best. As the year wraps up, I have more questions than answers but a greater awareness of His strength and that I can cast my cares on Him because He cares for me, & that He already knows what I'm going through anyway, and runs to meet me where I am with open arms.