waiting

waiting! yes patiently waiting!
til the next steps made plain will be;
to hear, with the inner hearing,
the voice that will call for me.

waiting! yes hopefully waiting!
with hope that need not grow dim;
the master is pledged to guide me,
and my eyes are unto him.

waiting! expectantly waiting!
perhaps it may be today
the master will quickly open
the gate to my future way.

waiting! yes waiting! still waiting!
i know though i've waited long,
that while he withholds his purpose,
his waiting cannot be wrong.

waiting! yes waiting! still waiting!
the master will not be late:
since he knows i am waiting
for him to unlatch the gate.

-j danson smith, poem from today's streams in the desert reading

story people

My uncle told me once there were 3 rules for a great opera. Make it loud, wear flashy clothes & if it's not going your way, kill yourself. It has no basis in reality, he added. That's why I like it.

-- Story people

I get the story of the day from the story people. It makes me grin. Sweet lil musings that are silly. Silly is good.

atonement.

Hello! Thanks for stopping by my old blog. This ol' thing hasn't been tended to since January. I have a new blog that I've been using for the past few months, that's why this one has been neglected. If you want to know the new one just ask me, I'd love to share it with you - I'm nice (most of the time), please ask! :)

Much has happened since January.

The "1L" year as a whole, both semesters, has been one 1L (said quickly sounds like "one hell" for good reason) of a year!

This blog reminds me of a wonderful person I used to date because back when we were together I would use this blog as a means of recording our adventures. Now that we are not together and are seeing other people it seems strange to me (just strange, not useless, on the contrary actually - I'm sure if I was to read back through it I would be reminded of some very good lessons learned and memories had)...but I would not dare stroll down memory lane NOW because my head and heart need to be focused here.

It's just that I had a dream about this person and his mom last night and it was bittersweet. Makes me wonder if our memories are bitter to him or sweet or both. Wherever he is, I hope he is happy, truly happy. I wish I could have treated him better, and well, wish I could have treated all my exs better. Part of me feels like I am paying for the things I did wrong in the past (karma), and that when I finish atoning for my indiscretions, then I will fully get to use the lessons learned and will stop learning and experience the purpose for all those lessons. I think I am on the right track. Trial by fire, always trial by fire with me. I don't get many things right the first time, or second time, or third time for that matter.

I have learned that relationships seem to boil down to just whether two people can put up with each other's "crazy." This is not an original idea (it's Megan Flynn's). Even if people love each other, I do not think love alone is enough to keep people together. The parties in the relationship need to be able to respond to their partner's needs and not be repelled when the person is crazy, a.k.a. their needs are super intense or unusual. People need different things - some people need to receive what seems like an excess of affection, or affirming words, or gifts, or quality time together, or even space, to feel loved and affirmed and appreciated, and to have a successful relationship, the other person needs to be able to meet that need, and not make the other person feel like they are requiring too much. You can't change someone or love them so much that they will love you back, but when they make the choice to love you back despite your crazy - because everybody has a crazy - that is a fine time indeed. Love + acknowledge & acceptance of the crazy = a recipe for success.

9 days 'til summer!!! 9 days marathon sprint to the finish, here we go......

always hope.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:5


I haven't updated this thing since the last day of finals.

What an incredible night that was.

The feeling when I stepped out of my final final was an indescribable sense of freedom.

It was so neat seeing my classmates looking as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They were happy and relaxed for what seemed like the first time in months. I made new friends and shared some laughs and made some memories with the old.

It was a festive night, a very fun night, a night that makes me so excited to return to Memphis and pick up where I left off. For the majority of the law school folks, that was the last time I saw them, that was the last incredible impression and memory I have of them. Will everyone have a spirit of joy when I return? I hope so. Will they be stressed again? I hope not right away.

In this new year, I hope to always hope for the best and hope that good will come of everything. God can use everything and anything for good. I can hope for a good year. And look to him for good things. And like the lesser things I chased in 2009, looking for contentment or fulfillment, the hope I place and hinge on God will not disappoint.

Because he loves me dearly.

Because he fills my heart with love.

Because he reaches the places in my heart in only the way he can to satisfy me in only the way he can.

last day of finals :)

Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man. - Edmond, The Count of Monte Cristo

I was reminded of that quote when reading my devotional this morning. It's an oldie but goodie. :)

The devotional said:

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. - 2 Corinthians 1:6-7

Are there some people in your circle of friends to whom you naturally go in times of trial & sorrow - people who always seem to say just the right words and who give you the very counsel you so desire? If so, you may not realize the high cost they have paid to become so skilled at binding up your gaping wounds and drying your tears. Yet if you were to investigate their past, you would find they have suffered more than most other people.

They have watched the silver cord on which the lamp of life hung slowly unravel. The have seen the golden bowl of joy smashed at their feet, and its contents spilled {this line made me think of the 'Count' quote} They have experienced raging tides, withering crops, and darkness at high noon, but all this has been necessary to make them into nurses, physicians, and ministers of others.

It's the day we've all been waiting for - the last day of the term. When I think back on this semester I am so thankful for both the highlights - the best of times - but also the hurdles - the difficult times - that have come my way. I've certainly felt both extremes described by the quote this term - the basking in the sunlight, and the shattered on the rock part.

Before my last exam two friends of mine commented on how calm I seem. I feel very calm this morning, too. I think 'calm' would not have described me pre-test in undergrad, so it is nice to know I have grown some since then haha. Often we don't recognize growth along the way but our friends or certain occurances serve as mirrors to show us we are changed, different, better, still moving forward by God's grace. Thank you for your prayers, Uncle Bill & Allison, and anybody else. :)

"O Sovereign LORD, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more" - Judges 16:28

christmas vests & fidelity

Hello blog! I sit listening to the wind howling outside my window on what has been a blustery December day("oh the weather outside is frightful..."). My lil hot pink Christmas tree & Robin's white Christmas lights on the garland *brighten* up the room. My advent calendar that I won as the RENFRO 2009 THANKSGIVING BINGO CHAMPION is prominently displayed! December 8th. When the heck did it become December 8th?!

In 2 days from now I will be at a tacky Christmas sweater party with my classmates. We will be celebrating the end of the semester with great holiday cheer.

I am wearing what I have worn to every tacky Christmas sweater party I've attended (only 2 - Pi Kapp's Christmas Crunk!): my Christmas vest (this year, with my gray dress)!! Christmas Crunk was SO much fun: one of the brothers would dress as Santa & would deliver presents, there would be holiday goodies like peppermint bark & gingerbread, & Santa would read the Night Before Christmas. For Christmas Crunk freshman year, Spencer and I found these vests at Goodwill and decided to go to the party both wearing such incredibly fashionable attire. Then I wore it junior year too, same party. Thursday's party is going to be aaaaamazing. Austin Rainey is going as Santa. I cannot wait.




And Saturday, my gal pal Amy (non-law school friend) is ALSO having a tacky sweater party. Guess what I'm wearing? Tacky vest? You betcha. Alex Maclin said I should wear the exact same thing to both parties. I just might. Why not. Guys repeat outfits all the time.

Speaking of guys/boys/men...

One of my friends wrote on twitter a few days ago:

Why are all my sports idols unfaithful husbands? Is it really that hard?

This friend, a Mr. Adams, was a big fan of McNair and also Tiger Woods. I always thought Tiger and his wife were a lovely couple. 5 years ago they sailed off into the sunset on a yacht after promising to be faithful and to love each other for better or worse. Lovely? Yes. Trouble in paradise? Absolutely. No thank you. Wouldn't want to be in Mrs. Woods' shoes for anything.

Who cares if you can sail off like that and have an elaborate million dollar wedding if you don't renew those vows every day, and every day choose to love the person you made a promise to God (or if not to God, you promised your spouse!) that you would love??

I said to my roommate, "Kobe Bryant, Steve McNair, and now Tiger! What does this mean?" And she said, "Men cheat!" She was joking. But what she said after was that when people - men or women - are given whatever they want they think they can have and do whatever they want, which is I think a good answer to Mr. Adams' question.

I believe there are still good faithful men out there. I know there are men out there who desire to be faithful to their wives and truly love their wives - I know plenty of them. I hope God brings one of my own into my life one day; this good faithful woman looks forward to loving a good faithful man when the time is right. Song of Solomon says to not arouse or awaken love until the proper time. My friend (Megan Flynn - referencing your wisdom) said when its supposed to work it will, it will be easy, and you'll just click & know. Doesn't that sound glorious!

Mr. Adams also copied what someone else "tweeted" which was:

Faithful men exist but they are the men women ignore, won't talk to, take their drink in the club and walk away

I hate it when nice guys feel like nice guys finish last. They don't. Your reward for not being a douche pays off. It does. I am tempted to be disheartened myself for being a "good girl." But it is worth it. It pleases God, for one, and it is the better way to be. There are plenty of people still totally infatuated with the bad guys and bad girls; guys who want girls like Megan Foxx who is sooo trashy and girls who will put up with douches who mistreat them. What is going on in the world these days. I think Taylor Swift is a breath of fresh air among the teenyboopers "good girls gone bad," and I think there's lots of guys out there who agree.

She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus, and America too...I think that's a pretty good way to classify a gal if you ask me. :)

i hope it's going to make you notice, i hope it's going to make you notice, someone like me. (kings of leon)

happy friday!

Finishing my contracts final was a GREAT feeling.

Even better was getting a peppermint mocha frappachino and driving home down Poplar, where there were very pretty snowflake lights twinkling! That was like icing on the cake. Christmas liiiiiiiights!!!!

Now, I am going to play trivia for the first time with some of my best friends here. Now that's like sprinkles on the icing on the cake. Perfect study break, chance to clear my head and get some good laughs in before having to buckle down again.

I feel it, I'm on the home stretch now, folks :)