hakuna matata

"Patience was willing to wait."

Quote from Pilgrims' Progress, a classic Christian book. It was in my devotional Streams in the Desert a few days ago. My cousin borrowed Pilgrims' Progress from my grandmother the summer before she died. The book was lost when Katrina leveled my cousin's home on the Mississippi coast. Friday will mark the 5 year anniversary of her death. I want to make my facebook status in honor of her, but whenever I think of a tribute, what comes to my mind seems a bit too morose, dramatic, emotional for facebook:

Five years in Heaven...what's it like seeing Jesus face to face? Give Madison and Alan a hug for me...Can't wait to see you again...How's eternal life? What's it like to see Jesus every day? Your life encourages & inspires me, & your memory warms my heart. You live on, you're living eternally in the hearts of your loved ones, and in your eternal home. We miss you. We love you. I think about how I wish you could be here, how I would like to know your reaction to things, how I'd like to see where you'd be today, who you'd be today. We could really use you here. The world needs people like you - loving, warm, shameless Christians who are a blast to be around and are real - real struggles, real joys, real love, really alive. Lindsay Carole. How I admire you!

I took the link to my blog off my facebook wall. Only a select few will be able to read it now. A wise woman said I don't need to be tooting my horn where I am right now in life. I've done a good deal of that, gone shoutin' off the mountain tops, then had to humbly climb down, say, I was wrong, say, things changed. I considered stopping blogging all together. If no one can read it, what's the point? There is a a point. It is an outlet.

And I am happy. Uncertain, yes; happy, absolutely! I still want to reflect on my joys, therefore, I will still blog.

A wise roommate of mine once said that joys, as well as sorrows, are burdens we're entrusted with to help us grow. God's given me both, in abundance, the past few weeks. It's a challenge to see how I'll handle them. The famous "Everybody's Free to wear sunscreen" song says don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much, which is where I'm getting at with this I think. Usually, I want to blab on and on about the joys and for once in my life, I'm keeping the talk about certain things at a minimum, which is totally unlike me - me, the one who wants to hang my heart out on a clothesline and analyze and gush over every wrinkle on it while it dries.

Doesn't mean recent events aren't significant or enjoyable, but I feel as though I have found a balance. I don't think about them or invest in them too much or too little but just the right amount, kind of like Goldilocks's porridge. It's healthier this way, puttin' the reigns on this ol' heart of mine. Not to say I'm using it less, but maybe I'm using my head/logic/reason more?

I am still a romantic, but I am not hopeless.

I think it's ok to be a romantic.

The other day Streams in the Desert also hit a home run in the resonating-with-where-I'm-at-these-days department:

Recognize the trial as a challenge from God to claim a larger blessing than we have ever before experienced, & to accept it w/delight as an opportunity of receiving a greater measure of God's divine grace.

Word.

These burdens we're entrusted with, these challenges God gives us, enlarge our hearts and increase our strength and make us open to receiving new blessings.

Patience was willing to wait, & so should I. Hard not to let my heart run ahead of me, or, hard to prevent it from geting lost in dizzying daydreams of the past. I do like where I am now. I like living in the present. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I like trusting that God will provide me with what I need for today. I like being in the today. I feel calmer this way.

Never thought Memphis would have a calming effect on me but it has. Maybe it's living near water. Maybe it's taking time to do a devotional each morning. Maybe it's my fabulous roommate, the good friends I've met, the new faces, the new sites, the conversation, the cooking, the jokes, the shared meals, or the intellectually stimulating and incredibly enjoyable classes. Ah, Memphis.