love is very near

(Picture: after the tornado at the farm, the cross stands tall, offering hope)

I prayed for humility, I prayed for trust, and I know putting me in a place where the "pathway is broken and the signs are unclear" as one song says is God's way of making me cling tighter to his hand (the song continues, "and I don't know the reason why you brought me here, but just because you love me the way that you do, I'm going to walk through the valley if you want me to"). Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase. I can hope in God because my hope in him is secure, he has never left me in the past so why do I doubt now? If I can stand these afflictions and endure them with grace, he will be glorified in my life, I know it. I want these trials to make me stronger, not bitter, but I have been giving despair a foothold. The tasks ahead seem very daunting - finishing the term strong, retaking the LSAT, applying to law school, pleasing my parents - but God is with me, and since he is with me, and only because he is with me, I will come through it. Right? Right.

I am trying to accept the tough times I'm facing with grace and use them to trust God but I have let them really get to me and crush me. I read in my "Streams in the Desert" devotional guide the other day how "an affliction hits a believer never by chance but by God's divine direction...it is not only the grace of God but also His glory that is revealed when a believer can stand and quietly endure an affliction."

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I walk through the darkness If You want me to

cause When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
(Ginny Owens, "If You Want Me To")

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you, and I will walk through the valley if you want me to. Yes, this weary pilgrim will walk through the valley on the my way to the promised land until I am home at last, free at last.

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't know it's often when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight through the rain
a small but still, resilient voice
Says love is very near

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
somehow you will
You will when you believe
(When You Believe)

O Joy that seekest me through pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and feel the promise is not vain
that morn shall tearless be