it just takes some time

The LORD is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.

Psalm 23:1-3, the New Living Translation whereas the KJV and NIV versions say that I shall not want. I shall not want, but I do, so when I read these versions I feel a tinge of guilt. Thou shall not kill or steal or want. Rules & commands. Thou shall not do this or desire this.

The French version is so appropriate, using the verb manquer “to miss” to say that I miss nothing, nothing is missing to me, because the Lord is my shepherd.

Je ne manquerai de rien.

God is indescribable, but in all the scriptures, I feel these few versions do a brilliant job at capturing a picture of God, a snapshot of His being and His heart towards us. He leads us to rest, lets us rest, renews our strength, provides all that we need, and guides and protects and keeps us from harm like a shepherd.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

These verses help quiet my heart in the midst of my desire. Oh, desire. Makes me think of big red letters scrolled across some harlequin romance novels I see in the grocery stores with two lusty figures half dressed in a far away land. Oh, but the synonyms button in Microsoft Word is a bit closer to what I’m aiming for here, just a bit. Haha.

Wish want longing craving yearning need aspiration wish for

That pretty much describes it. My [insert above adjectives] to go to law school is weighing on my heart. The weight becomes heavier when I behold the mountains standing in my path in the form of a little thing called the LSAT. Is it such a big obstacle because I am not equipped/ready/suited to climb or a way to test my strength, make me work for it, fight for it, earn it? I’d like to think the second one. I would. These big standardized tests have never been my forte, and I was on the bottom percentile for applicants in Furman, but I made it, and I’ve worked my tail of to make the grade and have made the grade. A SAT score was not an indicator of my potential as a student or an indicator of success.

After a week of studying I made a few points lower on my practice LSAT test than I did back in June. True, I have not studied anything regarding Reading Comprehension which composed one fourth of this test and those sections brought my score down considerably. I had studied games for several hours and the percentage of correct games answers soared from about 35 to 85-90% which is so encouraging. I’ve just started to get my feet wet in the test prep and know I still have a long way to go but the fact that my score was lower really made me sad. Good news though, I still have over 6 weeks but it just seemed so daunting today. Just gotta take it a day at a time. Like anything worth having, a better score is going to take time and energy and effort and investment.

Hey,
Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright.

This truth hasn’t completely quieted my heart yet but I trust it will. It will and only will because the Lord is my Shepherd. The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. That’s not a panacea or band aid to make myself feel better. It’s truth. God has promised as our shepherd and father and creator and lover and savior that He will be with us whatever the future holds. And that, my friends, makes my anxieties seem less daunting.