participate relenlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings

I’m grumpy b/c I’m stressed b/c I don’t know how I’m going to pay for things or get all this work done.

I don’t like being so busy like this.

Some people wear busyness like a badge.
Some people are addicted to it.
Some people feel more important the more they have to do, the more they have demanding their attention, requiring them to be somewhere, do something.
Some people brag about all they have to do whether they realize it or not.

Perhaps I have just checked out of the Furman hotel already and I just want to hang out in the lobby or relax by the pool and I’m realizing I can’t do that quite yet.

In 2 hours I will have 23 days of class left, and only two full weeks of classes left. Not this week; I’m leaving on Thursday for my sister’s bachelorette party; not the week of Easter or the week after because I’m also leaving on Thursday that week for my sister’s wedding. Just next week and the week after the wedding I will attend all 5 days of classes in a week.

23 days of classes left; 5 weeks total. Mom asked me today if I’m ready to be done, and I said I’m mixed. Ready for classes to be done, oh ya, but not ready to leave the people or the place. Hard to enjoy it with many demands on my time.

That is why I am fighting for my happiness. Liz Gilbert (Eat Pray Love author) says as much:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it.

Yesssss.

That is why I am going to see Legally Blonde: The Musical with my friends tomorrow, going to Luke’s senior recital (he has a hypnotic, enchanting opera voice), driving back a day early (skipping class on Friday) to spend time with my sister and not be rushed but instead able to relax on Friday before I play hostess to her friends.

I don’t have time this week to call the financial aid office at Memphis but maybe I will just have to study less and call them so I will be less stressed about it – or, ah ha! I could call them on Friday…that was my dad’s first question for me: “How are you going to pay for law school?” I don’t know yet, but I just have to trust that I will, these things will work themselves out, they always do.

I really want a dog, too, by the way. I have for four years now, so I know it isn’t just a whim. Same breed, same name. I found a good breeder in Tennessee that socializes their puppies, housetrains them and teaches them only to bark when strangers are at the door. I want a quiet, calm little girl. Colors can vary. I am stressed about having this conversation with my parents. 2 of my roommates are engaged; I don’t want a ring, I want a pup! SO bad.

I need to know when my mom is planning a trip this summer to tell my summer employer. Looks like we are beach bound! Seaside? Yes, please! Spring break was amazing and I am craving another adventure. It wet my appetite. New places, exploring. Getting lost in a beautiful city on a beautiful day with a beautiful man. Nothing beats it.

Summer couldn’t come soon enough! I am SO excited. Need to work on being present where I am instead of counting down; I know I won’t get this time back. The weekends are what get me through the week, through the stuff I have to do. I have many, many good weekends coming up, thankfully!

Man, I feel better already after sorting through this stuff. It’s not daunting, it’s definitely manageable, and it’s easier to see that when I take the time to sort through it…kind of like a messy room with piles. It’s all good stuff, it’s just in jumbles, not in its place.

Back to the quote of the day.

You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it.

May take extra effort & energy to maintain this happiness but it is definitely definitely DEFINITELY worth it! which may require coffee…mmmmmm